


Grey

by Nekos



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Angst, Anxiety, Apathy, Attempted Murder, Attempted Suicide, Depression, Explicit Language, F/M, Persona 4 Spoilers, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-24
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2019-08-28 14:49:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 32,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16725468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nekos/pseuds/Nekos
Summary: You have given up everything ever since you realise the reality and the truth you’ve endured from all these years.You try to move on to the quiet town from everything you try to forget.But all it did is make things worse.





	1. Evening of July

"That'll be 300 yen."

 

Effortlessly, you pay with a shrug, before the fifteen year old idol mutters a ‘thank you’.

 

She doesn’t show it but you see it very clearly; the dull attitude of Rise Kujikawa throughout the day, it doesn’t conceal her heartfelt appreciation to work with her grandmother and that the business is active. Legitimately, because of her popularity, her grandmother’s tofu business has reached to success of earning money unlike before. Despite there are Risette fans, paparazzi, or stalkers, roaming around her grandmother’s store, Rise doesn’t care any of it, she’s just glad she’s with her relative.

 

Even after the hectic day, without sense of alone time, Rise looks like she needed one. You hoped you’re the last customer she’s dealing with for the day. 

 

When the afternoon disperses, the crowd does the same, that's when you came in, for whatever the shop has left to sell for dinner. The tofu shop has gone quiet by then, with a few tofus left to spare. You looked at the exhausted Rise and you silently agree with the idol; being alone is okay, without others pressing in your personal business, especially influencing you with useless tactics. Everyone has their own personal space and privacy after all.

 

The young idol goes back to her work, washing, and you leave her be.

 

You turned around, and you almost face-bumped with two men in suits. You immediately back away with an unimpressed glare. The plastic bag you’re holding nearly slipped from your hand in surprise at the sudden appearance of strangers.

 

You took in their presence; a familiar face. Nostalgically, you felt (that’s new, you never met him before), he has a cigarette on his mouth, he’s carrying a jacket behind his back in which case he never wore it. Beside him is a young detective with a ridiculous black unkempt hair, an uneven smile and lively grey eyes on his face. You noted at his red crooked necktie. 

 

Momentarily, you know who is the elder and that made you bitter at the sight of him. He’s one of the people in the papers you’ve read when you’re doing research of your paternal relatives. He’s your uncle. But you don’t have time for this.

 

"Watch it." You snapped, gazing at the exit, you swiftly walked pass them without waiting their next dialogue. The middle-aged man’s eyes widen as he happens to suspect your face under your hoodie. You made it very obvious you don’t want your face to expose on public, you let your head hung low, even with a hoodie. He was about to say something while the young man silently and curiously watches the scene between his accompany and you. You sourly brush passed them, rudely, pretending you don't know they're the police, it gave you a credit of acting freely without knowing. 

 

Almost stomping at the stairs, approaching your motorcycle, you lazily swung the plastic bag onto the handle as you hop on to your transportation. Gritting your teeth at the unnecessary encounter of your relative, your hastily start the motorcycle and left with a direct speed, heading back the Amagi Inn.

 

• • •

 

Adachi nervously stands besides his partner with an unclear conclusion on what just happened.

 

Vaguely, Dojima just stares at the unfamiliar woman, whom is oddly covered in a depressing dress code: all covered in black and lifeless colours— Including those piercing glares, and the fierce tone embracing her voice. Adachi didn't miss the details of the stranger to seethe in front of the police, what a surprise.

 

Adachi has taken note note that the hooded stranger from the tofu shop is new in town. A  _newcomer_ of Inaba, he hasn't seen her around before after all. In any case, Adachi is curious as ever. But as for Dojima's reaction, he looked like he has seen a ghost.

 

Interesting.

 

After the awkward silence of Dojima to absorb some thoughts, he and Adachi continues their investigation on the young idol like nothing happened. But Adachi keeps glancing at his partner whenever Dojima bought tofu, asks a couple of questions, and warns the idol about her possibility of being involved in the murder case as being the next target. Much likely, Dojima gave a fair warning for Rise, as he considers for her to call the police if something happened.

 

Afterwards, Dojima went more distress. After the series of topics and questioning, Dojima and Adachi got an unexpected, suspicious information of Dojima's nephew, Yu, and his friends— had beaten them to the punch— of warning Kujikawa that she might be the next victim.

 

So much for detective's intuition, especially for the upcoming prefectural police that are assigned to the case, Adachi _have_  to remind Dojima. It is frustrating.

 

The old detective irritatedly grunted, clearly pissed. Yet he merely expose his temper in front of the young idol. Although, his seething feelings leads him outside of the tofu shop to mindlessly give a momentary rant on Adachi after discussing the case. Adachi cuts him off in a few minutes to feign worries and giving off a different subject.

 

"Dojima-san, you seem to look like a deer in the headlights by that stranger  earlier." Adachi said innocently, then smirked mischievously as his partner’s face hardened with an uncertain strained gaze. He had to specifically bring up the person that Dojima had shaken up about because that piqued Adachi’s interest. "Not Rise Kujikawa, the one with the hoodie."

 

Because he has never seen Dojima frightened at someone. By a girl?

 

At the topic, Dojima almost reply as much as he wanted to contemplate at the encounter. He gave out a tired sigh as he explained the situation, “A relative... (Y/N) (L/N). As I remember, she's a bit younger than you, but I didn’t know she’d be here sooner...”

 

Adachi observed as his partner slumped to the silence at the explanation, Dojima didn't look too thrilling, only sadness and pity, no light mood, just negativity. Wouldn't he be normally acting differently towards his family? Like a rebellious uncle towards Yu, and a sweet (yet grumpy) father towards Nanako. . . ?

 

"It didn't look like a happy family reunion." Adachi remarks.

 

"She doesn’t recognise me, it‘s been years...” Dojima hastily add, then winced, he continues to inform, "And she's on rough edge lately; she lost her entire family when she was young. By then, I haven’t heard of her since no one from our family knows what happened after the incident. After a few years, there was that time; my other sibling, Yu’s mother, had found out and told me that (Y/N) was living on her own.” Dojima shook his head, minding off the depressing thoughts that crawls to his head. “She has faced struggles so young and decided to live on her own... Well, I'm gonna let her live by my residence if she has nowhere to go by the time I find her again, I doubt she leaves Inaba soon." The elder detective faces his partner in a serious manner. "You'll help me find her as well, Adachi."

 

Adachi blinked dumbly at the order— that Dojima’s family business, one he did not want to butt in, especially _this_ is about Dojima's problems. Why should he include himself through this situation? Dojima only considers him as a partner or assistant, not some slave— oh _wait_ — that's also what he _is_ exactly.

 

"Ahhaha. . . I don't even know what she looks like." Adachi absently rubs his neck, while smiling for the sake to pretend he cares. Honestly, Adachi shouldn't pretend, not that he wants to run another personal  errand. Why would he do it? Family is one of the most ridiculous and pathetic privileges anyone could ask for, save for Dojima's family.

 

"I still need your help,” Dojima said sombrely. “I can’t ask more from others, only you can do it. I can’t ask more from the department. You may a blabbermouth than use your brain, but you’re still capable.”

 

Was that... a _compliment_ , coming from _Dojima_?

 

Dojima waited for Adachi to submit in defeat, the young detective lets out a loud sigh, still bothered at something. "Do you have at least more information than her _name_ , Dojima-san?"

 

The elder made a face. "No. I only met her a couple of times when she's little, I barely knew her... What an excuse. I should look through of her status when I get home.” Dojima frowned slightly to himself, disappointed. That explanation sounded useless, not a kind excuse that would help.

 

Adachi nodded without the urge to roll his eyes skyward. Paperwork is one thing but this, this is a bit of a hassle, he didn't care for not of doing a search through the entire to look for a girl.

 

Hm. 

 

Altogether, Adachi is curious and interested of finding a woman close to his age of all people. Usually, he's tasked find pets or whiny children that leaves him ragged of misfortune. That aside, he's starts to imagine of what the woman would look like under the hoodie. He hoped he wouldn’t waste his time on someone so pointless.

 

"Adachi!" Dojima snapped, bringing up the young detective to his insensibility. His partner flinched in surprise before muttering an effortless apology.

 

• • •

 

You kept walking in the inn with your eyes casted downwards like always, gaze emptily glued to the floor as if it was the only thing comfortable to look at. You'd see other footsteps pass by on your peripheral vision but you don't have the will to look at other human beings, disinteresting, you'd rather be left alone.

 

You let your feet carry you to the room where your are temporarily resided to. The payment isn't bad, including the room, you worked hard to earn money. Yet the jobs you applied from the city are totally dull, making your life more miserable than it needed to be.

 

Sickened to mull over your depressing life (again), you wanted sleep, one that makes you coexist in this world. The soothing music with it's volume near to the maximum relaxes you, blocking your pessimistic thoughts, you silently thank that you bought earphones. It wasn't obvious you were listening to music, a couple of people had to poke your attention, it irritated you at the contact, scaring people off.

 

Oohh, scary hooded stranger frightens people. What a joke, Inaba should learn privacy.

 

But this town is not so bad. It's discreet and far away, too plain. It's perfect to live here, you had to quit your jobs for it. You'd wonder why you haven't found this place earlier in your boring lifetime, which also frustrates you to endure shit in the city.

 

Anyways, that's gone, forever. Bye-bye, city hell.

 

You realise you’re now in your room, settling down the tofu— honestly, you don't plan to eat the tofu tonight; probably the next day you'd eat it.

 

Hm. Next day, what will happen?

 

Unbothered, to not have anything to do or exhausting your thinking, you decided to sleep early.

 

• • •

 

Dojima, Nanako, and Yu ate dinner like the usual. Except these tons of tofu intervened the usual routine of the Dojima residence’s peace.

 

It made Yu discreetly anxious by his uncle’s minor glances, making him lose his appetite and make a break for it, but Yu is a compatible fellow. He can find a way to avoid the suspicion from his uncle without getting caught snooping around in the case. It’s like always, he’d try to not tell the truth, without lying in the process for breaking the trust and bond he forged with his uncle.

 

But it’s always been difficult to hide Yu’s own intention.

 

After the hint of accusation on Dojima’s voice, Nanako had to stop the upcoming fighting that’ll commence. Yet, Dojima had to corner his nephew that night, mildly warning him to not get involve on the case because Yu’s safety might be on the line.

 

Which reminded Dojima that he had to have another issue lurking on him: you. At a wrong timing and wrong place, you came to Inaba, unannounced. Especially with your attitude on the whim of drastic change is concerning to Dojima. Yet, Dojima had to make up for his dead brother and sister-in-law, he couldn’t leave you be. At least he had to show some decency that he can do something for your parents.

 

“Dojima-san?” Yu said when he went downstairs that Dojima didn’t noticed. “Is something wrong?”

 

Dojima glanced his nephew, a strange look on his face that made the teenager shift uncomfortably under his uncle’s stare. He wasn’t mad or anything, now is not even the time to scold Yu with Nanako asleep. He had a repressing matter that Yu saw easily.

 

How observant.

 

Dojima brushed off his nephew’s worries. “It’s nothing, I just found your and Nanako’s long-lost cousin... She’s here in Inaba.”

 

Yu tilted his head with confusion, another cousin? Long-lost at that? And how many cousins does he have? He met Nanako for the first time in April, now there’s another without him knowing? Why does his parents doesn’t tell him stuff?

 

“Cousin?”

 

“Ah. You don’t know her.” Dojima said, turning himself in his chair. “(Y/N) (L/N). A cousin of that you and Nanako haven’t met, well. . . not everyone in our family knew her, her profile is near unknown.”

 

“Where is she now?” Yu asked.

 

“I don’t know specifically, wherein this town she settled.” Dojima looks down on the floor. “But I can’t leave her be, I had this feeling that my brother will be disappointed if I averted my eyes of his only child too long.”

 

Yu hummed in acknowledgement, thinking. This situation couldn’t advance his bond with his uncle, he’d probably make a new one, if he helps. Plus, he doesn’t want his uncle coping more problems other than the case and Nanako’s loneliness.

 

He has decided then.

 

“I’ll help you look for her.” Yu finally said.

 

Dojima snapped his head up, letting out a small sincere smile he can manage.

 

“Are you sure?”

 

Yu stiffen at the abrupt question that is produced vaguely. “Yes.”

 

Dojima nodded, without anything to say as he goes to his room to sleep. As for Yu, he starts to create a plan of doing a search party, by then the murder case could wait, as the Investigation Team does the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 04/20/19: Edit


	2. Beginning of August

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 04/26/19: This chapter was originally updated at January 20 2019, but I’ve reread the story and noticed some OFF details of the plot. So I decided to fix it by changing some narrations, so that the story will convey smoothly. I also change some things: new scenes, dialogues, and slight changes to the narrations and the characters’ behaviour. For the sake of it, because it’s been bothering me. ^^

_ How many weeks has it been? _

 

It could’ve been more than enough to cover your tracks, and disappear to Okina city. After you went hiding for a long, quantitatively amount of time, you’ve assumed that you are already forgotten, if so you can go back to being a part in the public masses without causing a scene. But, ohh, once you went out from your apartment and head to the movies, you’re _mistaken_ ;

 

”Excuse me? Are you— Huh? _Hey_! Wait a minute!”

 

You run into someone, it was a teenager, she’s related to your paternal relatives. She’s wearing a summer Yasogami uniform with a green jacket tied around her waist. She’s a fast runner too, despite when you try to outrun her with your motorcycle. You lost her for a few minutes.

 

This concluded you that they’re looking for you, your paternal relatives. No matter how and when, they just won’t give up. And that forces you to isolate yourself in your apartment for days, it turned to weeks.

 

Due to spending your long period of time in the apartment without any motive because of hiding, upon August, there’s the summer festival. You’re planning to join in— if your anxiety doesn’t trigger like last time— you hope the festival will make up for your senseless, waste of hiding since there’s nothing else much to do in this local region. It bores you.

 

This is what you get?

 

Not to mention the fact that, you coincidentally came in Inaba with a _murderer_ roaming around.

 

Yes, this is what you get.

 

You saw the homicide case in the news and articles, and acknowledged the convict in Inaba. When you first watched it from the TV, it didn't give you a shudder, but it causes a hick like you to cope regrets of choosing to stay at Inaba of all places. Especially at the times like this.

 

The case gives you umpteenth amounts of headache just by overthinking it. In result, you’re not fine with this.

 

It’s not your priority either way to concern over the matters in Inaba. You went to Inaba to look for answers from your relatives, mostly from your uncle, Dojima, a younger brother of your father.

 

The problem is that you’re self-conscious and anxious to meet your paternal relatives for help. You’re not mentally prepared. All the while, the majority is to keep fair a distance. You don’t want things to rush.

 

Especially the fact that Dojima is busy because of the homicide case, why would you abruptly swoop in to his job and life ? You’re just gonna distract more and he couldn’t catch the culprit because of you.

 

But you have the clue that Dojima is looking for you, with reinforcements. You’re surprised he remembers you, you don’t.

 

Before coming to Inaba, you were in Iwatodai temporarily. You have sources, you manage to track down your family tree, it wasn’t easy. In the end, the results are informative and useful. The maternal side of your family was the first people you came to, but they don’t remember you, you don’t remember them as well, so there’s no mutual understanding.

 

Second, was your grandparents of both sides, they live apart, the maternal side died not too long ago, the paternal is alive though. They were the first relatives to remember you.

 

”(Y/N), dear, you’re alive?!”

 

”We thought we lost you!”

 

They were grief-stricken. You don’t even remember them.

 

Afterwards they told you their family side, their children, grandchildren, in-laws, there are surnames; Narukamis, Dojimas, and so on...

 

Along of the paternal side, there you met the Narukamis in the city, the mother remembered you, a sister of your father, your aunt. She is also grief-stricken and feels regretful. She informs the rest of their families of your well being.

 

“(Y/N), they‘re all aware of you, now. You should visit them from time to time.” Your aunt once said.

 

After searching and connecting to your relatives, you stay low with a friend, a student in Medicine. Afterwards, you decided to permanently stay in Inaba. You wanted a quiet life, before you find more answers you were looking for.  Although, you’re still adapting wit’s your new home, and you’re waiting for the homicide case to be solved, so you don’t plan yet to meet your detective uncle.

 

But it didn't last long than you expected.

 

It was late afternoon, you’re at Moel, it was also that time you forgot your earphones (great). You never leave the apartment without listening to music. A disappointing mistake, it annoyed you. Furthermore, your irritation severed when you have to socialise strangers. One of the people in your species you’re intolerant of.

 

This time, the Gods just gave you a wrong choice of people. It made your day go downhill.

 

You parked your motorcycle in the middle of the station, and turn off the engine. You hopped off the transportation, and remove your helmet, giving your head an air, the gas attendant approaches you. “Hi! Welcome to Moel!”

 

"Regular." You said in a dull, inscrutable voice, the common tone you use. You gave a sharp tug of your hoodie to adjust it, concealing your face than it normally does. Then you lower over your eyes, to prevent eye contact from the gas attendant. You settle the helmet in your forearm.

 

”Okie dokie, ma’am!” The gas attendant gives you a nod and care-freely starts his work, he opens the gas tank of your motorcycle and inserts the gas pump, the numbers goes high. You glanced at it, and you have enough money to pay it for. You start fishing your pockets for your wallet.

 

When you took out your wallet, you take in the gas attendant’s appearance. You find yourself oddly infatuated of his androgynous and charismatic looks.

 

You barely met a man with long, grey hair, it’s hair-colour declines to reflect an even brighter ones like his Moel uniform. Looking at it reminds you the dark clouds in the sky, ready to summon a storm. Your eyes trailed on, under his hat, you saw how flawless, and pale his skin is just by looking at his face, cheeks, and neck. His eyes is darker red like blood. Despite for a male, his features has a feminine touches, his face is beautiful, almost like a—

 

“Like what you are seeing, Miss?” The gas attendant smiles, a small one, teasing.

 

You went flushed. “N-no.”

 

Ugh, you _stammered_.

 

This is what happens when you forgot to bring earphones. Damn, you’re tempted to listen Bohemian Rhapsody right about now.

 

The gas attendant laughs, he returns the gas pump and shuts the lid of the fuel tank. You hastily give the money by almost shoving it to his hands, they _looked_ soft.

 

He starts counting the money you gave him, you involuntary find yourself checking him out once more.

 

His posture is gaudy, yet moves almost elegantly which piques your attention and interest to him deeper. Mannerism and characteristic, you noted. He's doesn't slack or slouch, he's moves like a proper gentlemen, despite his job.

 

You’re reminded again he looks androgynous, but you find no curves for a female to have. But he has a face of a woman and a body of a man, is that possible? Is he even a man or a flat-chested woman?

 

His voice is oddly difficult to compare between both sexes. “Isn't it too hot for you to wear that jacket at this summer, Miss?”

 

You flinched. This is the first time anyone has ever questioned your way of dressing, an oversized jacket, sweatpants, and worn-old shoes. You’re completely conservative for a hot season like this. To be honest, you aresweating, your body is damped by your sweat.

 

Good thing you took your meds for this sake of a day, or otherwise there’s degrading thoughts running around your head right about now. And, also, you could’ve done a different response.

 

Perplexed at the gas attendant, who is just curiously and patiently waits for your answer, you hastily lied. "I'm cold. I’m sick; a f-fever."

 

He didn’t react immediately but he gave a lacking emotion, probably unconvinced. With that you had act by shivering with your whole body, to pretend that you're cold from the chilling afternoon.

 

"Ah. I see.” He replied with a nod of acknowledgement. He clicks his tongue as he glance at the numbers and your money, determining if your payment reaches its validated cost. He starts to give thoughtful face, he’s probably doing a short math."So... shouldn't you be resting rather than driving around with your _weak_ body?” His words hits a pang of mock. Or was that just you?

 

"It’s not like I wanted to leave the apartment." You said slowly, uncomfortable at the sudden shift of the mood from his aura. It’s so feigned all of the sudden than seconds ago. Had he caught yourself _lying_ to him? You found yourself shifting in uncertainty. “The pharmacy from Okina is under construction due to malfunctioning circuits. There was a fire then. So, I’m forced to buy medicine in here instead.”

 

Such lies. The pharmacy is intact it was the bookstore that is under construction, and you’re _not_ sick. All the while, you don’t want talking your personal business to strangers, why tell this gas attendant the _truth_? Wearing the jacket at this summer is none of his business. Especially your reason to come in Inaba is to buy a trending book, not a medicine. Besides you all have the medicines you need 24/7. You should thank your roommate for that.

 

_I owe too much from Tae_ , _I will pay her back someday_. You thought.

 

Regardless of all that, once you find yourself comfortable in Okina and Inaba you’ll be able to start investigating your past. Especially waiting for the homicide case to solve. During that, you’re trying your hardest to have grasp for the answer: your memories.

 

Yeah, _memories_. Pathetic way to describe it. It's more likefinding a missing clip of a movie that could be syringes itself of shitty moments that you couldn't even beginto describe Hell. Nonetheless, you’re here to find that answer. No matter how dangerous the truth is.

 

Even that people are one thing to avoid in this town, the murderer on the loose is another case, you care less of it. But you’d rather be here than in the useless city.

 

Your parents are dead. You're alone and all that potential drop is getting on your nerves. You don't want to deal it anymore, one look from the city gives you major meltdown. So you left. Your roommate wasn’t happy about it. Your lame excuse only covers up your reason to leave from becoming a person you don’t like.

 

_Eeehhh_.... Thinking about yourself makes you drain, even now, despite the meds you just took. You felt the need of sleep due to the simultaneous, and heavy feeling that pressures your bones and flesh. The feeling forces you to slump on the ground, but you stood where you stand. But it’s difficult to focus with the lump on your throat, your heart beating irregularly, and your knuckles clenched white.

 

_It's happening again_. This is the consequences of leaving the rental and leave without your earphones, all of it for a book.

 

The gas attendant finishes his math with a slight frown. "Too much change, Miss. I'll just go to the register to get the change, I'll be back in a moment."

 

You nodded before he scampers off, you watch his figure grew distance

 

_I shouldn’t have used thousands, but I don’t have any smaller amounts right now._ You thought, frowning upon it. But what can you do? The ATM doesn’t give coins.

 

While waiting, you wear your helmet again, and start the engine, until someone clears a throat behind you.

 

"Excuse me, is there a gas attendant on duty?"

 

Your body grew incredibly still. That spooked you, you didn’t hear footsteps behind you. Where did he come from?

 

You slowly turn your head and you can feel your stomach drop in a bottomless pit.

 

_I shouldn’t have left the rental_. You internally whine. And you’re never less than relieved that your helmet visor is _tinted_ , your face is obscured.

 

You know him, you’ve heard of him, you two met before. And he’s your uncle’s partner, Tohru Adachi. He smiles politely, waiting.

 

Oh, right. He asked you a question.

 

“Well?” He asks, tilting his head. His eyes are too focused on your frame, you noticed. Does he know who you are?

 

Tensed, you found yourself nodding and point to the direction where the gas attendant left, he hasn’t come back yet?

 

“Ooh? He’s in there?” He takes a few steps forward and leans over. He’s a bit close, meters is not enough, he should be miles away. He faces back to you. "Is there something wrong?"

 

Were you tensed? You look like it, or otherwise he wouldn’t have notice. He’s a police, they tend to have sharp eyes like hawks, watching. Like the ones from before. You should be careful around here.

 

“Peachy...” you answered, surprisingly steady, does the helmet help your voice make you _sound_ different? He couldn’t tell that you’re a girl, your oversize jacket doesn’t embraces your curves, and your hair is tucked in in your hoodie, much thanks to the helmet as well.

 

There’s a glint in the junior cop’s eyes, then he walks over to you. You find yourself gripping the handles in anxiousness. You could’ve just left, but that’ll draw more suspicion. Plus, you haven’t gotten your money back.

 

“You know, your motorbike looks familiar. I doubt people here in Inaba can cost a fortune of that ride of yours, are you from a city by any chance?”

 

“Uhm... I go from here to there?”

 

The officer blinked, confused. “Doesn’t that... sounded like more of a question than an answer?”

 

“No?”

 

“It is.”

 

You groaned in frustration at your mistake. Encouraging you to adjust the lock of your helmet to prevent the possibility of it falling off your head. The last thing you need is for revealing your identity by this awkward encounter.

 

Screw the money then, you should leave, now.

 

“If you don’t have anything else to say, I need to leave.” You said, trying to make yourself sound urgent. “I’m in a hurry.”

 

“Oh. Oops.” The detective backs away. “I-I’m sorry for keeping your—“

 

"Miss (Y/N), I got your change."

 

Wait, _what the fuck_?!

 

The gas attendant comes back, having the cheerful vibe again.

 

“Here you go, Miss (Y/N).”The androgynous being smiles at you, as he hands over the money. You intently stare at him without producing a word. You have the money.

 

You didn’t told him your name, did you? You’re positive you didn’t. So how did he know your name?

 

You have to leave right away.

 

You deposited the money in your pockets. The atmosphere grew tensed while your fingers are clenching the handles of your bike, your foot is at the pedal, ready make a break for Okina. You’re abandoning the idea of buying the book.

 

"Hi, Welcome to Moel!" The gas attendant politely smiled at the detective.

 

The detective smiles back, he nods to a different direction. “The owner is over there.”

 

Before you make a move, the gas attendant patted your arm before leaving.

 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, (Y/N) (L/N).”

 

How did that attendant know _your name_?!

 

You saw the detective peers at you in the corner of your eye. The attendant leaves you two be.

 

Shaking your head in frustration, you turned the engine on, the engine purrs, the transportation vibrates underneath you. You stepped on the pedal and the grip the handles, then your bike moves until the detective blocks the way.

 

Are you _kidding_...?

 

Unbothered, you twist the handles before gripping it, the bike moves an inch closer to the detective. “W-wait! _Wait_!”

 

" _What_?" You scowled, didn’t he left with the attendant? Ugh. You’re not in the mood. Why is he so persistent? You have to leave before he gets the idea.

 

“You’re (Y/N) (L/N), right?” Crap. He asks, you rolled your eyes under your helmet without answering. You twist the handles in a fierce grip and threatened to run over the detective. You can’t make a u-turn since there’s already a car behind and bedside you, they’re both on a refill.“Wait, hear me out! We’ve been looking for you ever since July!”

 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” You mocked, you twisted the clutch again, the engine is no longer purring more like growling. “Move or I’ll give you a hit and run.”

 

The junior cop takes a step back, he has a filter of fear and panic in his eyes. He doesn’t move away though, you attempted to drive in sudden speed until the detective lunges at you, he instantly takes your hand away from clutch, and he leans his other hand at the cowl, settling the bike down in its place. The front wheel is between his legs. You jumped at his unexpected lose of distance. This guy’s crazy!

 

He let out a surprised sound, and you both exchange stares in silence.

 

“Miss (Y/N), I’ll have to arrest you for attacking a police officer if you do that.” The detective says, then realised at his position, he doesn’t move his legs but he raises his hands awkwardly. “Look, I just wanna talk.”

 

Like talk could ever apply to your waiting list. You have some ideas or plans to try in order to go back to Okina but in reality, none of them will work. You can’t escape, he literally manhandle your bike. You can’t even run for squat. Is this it?

 

Maybe you could talk your way out of this.

 

You sighed loudly. “Fine. But step away from my bike.”

 

The detective beams, and lets out a relive sigh. He doesn’t back away until you jump off and park your motorcycle out of the way. The car behind you leaves, you stare at it as it passes you by, it disappears around the corner.

 

“Start talking.” You snapped.

 

The detective flinched, completely faces you. “I’m sure you know Dojima-san. He’s been looking for you.”

 

You nodded at this, you know plenty of what your uncle will be thinking ever since you two encounter at the tofu shop. Your paternal relatives are normally like this since you started visit them one by one. Always so eager to see you.

 

“I was tasked to look for you after the investigation is over. There... was also a search party—“

 

“What?”

 

“It’s not the police, don’t worry.” The detective reassures you a quirky but with a nervous smile before he gives on a thoughtful face. “But, man, you’ve been playing hide-and-seek for a while in this place. It took a while, it’s like finding a needle in a hay stack. You’re hard to find.”

 

You stared intently at the detective, who had himself shift in his place uncomfortably. He said you’re hard to find? Wow. Well, that’s what you wanted anyway, to be invisible. If that is even possible.

 

"Of course, 'I play hard to get'."

 

“...Y’know, I don’t understand you, you sounded muffled.” The cop said, bothered. “Could you take off the helmet?”

 

This guy is really asking too much. You give up. You’d imagine him taking your helmet by force. According to his uncalled appearance, you don’t want to know the things he could do.

 

You unbuckle and discard your helmet, your hoodie gets the same treatment. Your hair, it’s oily, but still silky, you remember you ran out of conditioner. You shake your head for your hair to disregard from your jacket. You paused and blinked slowly, refocusing your vision because of the black spots. You’re anaemic.

 

You raised your head to finally level an eye contact with the detective. For the first time of looking at him properly, he looks languid and shrewd. But he still looks the same, did his hair had a feud with the combs? His hair is unkempt. 

 

_What an odd-looking detective_ . That thought makes you a constricting smile that almost invades your stoic lips. Almost. It’s just funny but you remember the situation you are currently in.

 

“There.” You puffed, holding the helmet against your hip. When you face the cop, you find yourself irritated, and you shift away from him. “I said I play hard to get, Detective Tohru Adachi.”

 

He swallows loudly, eyes goggled.

 

You continue, “Or the fact that I don’t want to show up because you, police officers, are extremely busy for the homicide case. Why should I interrupt?” You can’t help it but your eyes narrowed. “And yet you keep searching for me, you’re wasting your time.

 

“W-What are you t-talking about? The case is over, we were about to start the search. But _this_ ,” he gestures his hand between the two of you. “This is just an unexpected coincidence. So clearly, I’m not wasting my time.”

 

You raised a brow. "Really?"

 

"Honest...” The detective lets out a heavy sigh, he runs a hand down in his face. "Miss, I'm just following orders. If you're bothered, there’s nothing I can do. I obliged for this, your uncle _is_ concerned after all...”

 

You continue to stare at him, without answering.

 

The detective rubs his neck. “He is looking for you because he is worried... Aren’t you going to at least see him?”

 

You consider it. The homicide case is over, you didn’t know. Even if it did, are you  mentally prepare to meet your paternal relatives here? What if they don’t like you? Like _those_ times when people rejected you?

 

A unsettling feeling pities in your stomach. You’re not ready for this.

 

"Hm." You unperturbedly said. “So, what now? You expect me to come with you?"

 

The detective tilted his head slightly with a dawning curiosity, his gaze flickers to a different direction for a second. "If you want to but if you don’t I can tell Dojima-san that you’re not seeing him now.”

 

“ _Just_... Not yet.” You shut your eyes for a second, you opened them and receive an anticipated looked from the detective. Your face went troubled. "I don't want to see them now." You shrug on the hoodie, and wear the helmet, you return to the motorcycle before turning on the engine again. You settled your foot of the pedal, you’re tilted slightly, one feet on the ground and the other settling in the pedal. Your hands are on the handles, ready to grip the clutch. "I’ll think about it. Now that we've finished playing hide and seek; I'm gonna go now."

 

"No, you're not."

 

You and Adachi shifted your gazes from the direction behind you and you let out a sound of surprise and hint of annoyance. Your eyes narrowing slightly at the detective after you’ve drink in the situation that has happened.

 

They caught you in the corner.

 

"We need to talk." Your uncle said, he doesn’t look too happy.

 

• • •

 

Dojima's house is somewhat welcoming. Considering there's a girl in a pink dress, her hair is tied to pigtails, who is not at least ten years older. When she sees you, she huddles behind a grey-haired man in a Yasogami uniform, he somehow has the resemblance of your aunt you met in the city. 

 

Entering in the house, the display of it, you never pictured in your head. You’re surprised that your uncle had kids just as the kids are surprised of your sudden presence. You expected Dojima is single or something, but he may had wed a woman not to long ago. Your aunt hadn’t mention this.

 

But something doesn't fit or missing here, where’s the mother?

 

The thought disperses as you don’t see any family pictures laying around here or at least a woman greeting for her husband at this hour or at least cooking for dinner. There’s should be _anything_ to incline that there’s a mother here, but you had an assumption that the mother is no longer here.

 

You and the two detectives remove your shoes before your uncle stands by the kitchen. You followed him while the junior cop quietly trails behind you. 

 

By the way, before all this happened, your uncle happens to stand behind you when Adachi decides to let you go back to Okina. You stayed quiet during the whole ride at Dojima’s house, not like there’s no difference inside the house with the hanging tension in the atmosphere.

 

"Sit down." Your uncle said, gesturing you the dining table in the kitchen. You slowly made your way to one of the nearest chair you sat on without meeting eye contact to Dojima. Goddammit, he’s just so impatient. You’re not ready for this, at all.

 

Instead of your uncle, you made eye contact to the two youngsters with an unsure stare. The little girl is shyly hiding behind the adolescent which seems to be her brother? Dojima glanced at the kids and introduced you to them. "They're your cousins: Nanako and Yu. Nanako's my daughter and Yu's my sister's son, I hope you all get along well."

 

You eyed the kids one last time before your uncle ordered the youngsters to go straight to their rooms. It took them a moment to acknowledge what’s going, and they both obeyed. 

 

Dojima sits down across the table from you, before you glance to the young detective who stood by the refrigerator, his hands clasped together.

 

Here goes nothing.

 

"So," Your uncle started after you both hear the distant sounds of the doors closing upstairs. Dojima sputtered when he looks at you, like he wasn't sure how to start, but he sounded apologetic. "I... I apologised for what happened to you, (Y/N)...”

 

You slowly nodded at this, you sent him a reassure look. He relieves himself a little.

 

”You might not remember me, but I'm your father's younger brother, Ryotaro Dojima. We've met a few times before the accident, you were around a kindergarten back then. I'm surprised you’re, well, _here_.  I... thought you we're a goner. There was a funeral of you and your whole family.”

 

To your surprise, _that_ happened, of you being in a “coffin”, believed to be dead. But you’re here, breathing. In return, there were damages that afflicted you for years. That’s why your paternal relatives are like this. Too many emotions going on for your well-being.

 

Dojima continues. "But that doesn't mean I stopped searching for what happened. None of our family believed that you might be alive because you weren't found, unheard and unseen since. But something didn’t click me, we were able to establish your parent’s deaths and retrieve their bodies, but you... you went missing, like you vanished in thin air.” Dojima pauses, and shakes his head. “It took days to solve the case of your parents, in the end there was an incident. But we didn’t know _how_ and _why_ , it is just said their were caught in an accident.”

 

_Accident_. Your hands in your lap clenched.

 

“It’s not progressive. Evidence is lacking, including your well-being . Until, I’ve received the news from my sister that called that you _are_ alive and well. Including the fact that you’re living in Iwatodai. Is that right?"

 

You solemnly nodded.

 

"So then, _what_ happened? Where were you after all these years?" Your uncle asked persistently. It appears like he still in disbelief you’re _here_ with _him_. "You weren't at your house during and after the incident, but there's a clear evidence you _were_ with your parents, there was a record to support that. You may be young at that time but the impact of the incident is not easy to forget.” 

 

You idly stare at Dojima, who expects you to explain _everything_.

 

That’ll be hard, considering there’s a _problem_.

 

Dojima waited, and you licked your lips with uncertainty. You never thought that this could happen, it’s different from what you’ve imagine. You were suppose to approach him and explain what happened. Not interrogate you like this.

 

You shouldn’t have left the rental. You imagine in a different situation that could happen this day, you could’ve been sleeping almost twelve hours but no, you’re here now. God. You wish for a latte right about now, a book to read, or to listen one of Queen’s albums.

 

But thinking back for the sake of today’s moment, you renew your focus to your mind, seeking deeper from what’s left of your memories for now, you had to think and recall that day when you emerged to the world you don’t know. After the “accident” that happened years ago.

 

It was that time you’ve regain consciousness in a hospital, with an unfamiliar city peeking in the window. A new view. You weren’t able to reciprocate the situation more when the doctors and nurses came, they told you that you don’t have anyone and so on and so forth. They kept pouring down sad news that you don’t know whether or not you’re suppose to be frustrated or cry. 

 

From the start you don’t have anyone to rely on even if it means someone does _know_ you. By that, it’s because you have no idea whether or not that these people are trustworthy. Why did this _incident_ happened to _you_? Why did your parents die? Who are these people? Why can’t you _remember_?

 

Everything looked different from what you remember from home.

 

Wait, home? What had home looked like?

 

There’s this lingering feeling of capturing a desperate bond of trust, but you don’t trust anyone ever since that day when you woke up. You don’t have memories what happened to that accident. So you went on alone without depending on anyone you don’t know, let alone let your past forgotten.

 

Until you depended on Fate, you found your relatives, your family tree. It was a wild ride, you believed you might be rotting in the skewers, but now, you’re here much to your dismay.

 

But, until now, you...

 

"I..." You finally reply, while fidgeting in your seat as the problem starts dawning in your head. "I don't remember what happened."

 

"I see." Your uncle slumped back to lean on the chair. He didn’t look bothered at this. “That’s fine if you don’t remember, (Y/N). All that matters is that you’re—“

 

"No. That’s not what I meant. ”You said, almost loudly, drawing Dojima's deflated attention. You retreated your tone back to a small one. "I meant... I don't remember _everything_."

 

You didn’t need to look up to see the two men was giving you questionable and confused gazes. 

 

"What do you mean?" Your uncle said in a low tone.

 

"I... I don't remember my parents.” You said, you can feel your uncle’s tensed stare. “I don't even know myself, my name, when I woke up that..." You eyed your uncle who was listening intently. This is the first time you’re really looking at him in audacity; he looked so exhausted, he’s like carrying some sort of burden when you inspect it and realise the shame in your stomach that you’re about to say something not good that’ll weigh him down further. But you have to let it out. All that information about your relatives are critical when you received them in Port Island, he’s one of the few that might give a you chance to remember what happened to your parents, he’s a _detective_. He might be your only chance. “I was in a coma... for almost a decade."

 

It was silent for a moment before your uncle had replied, “ _Coma for almost a decade_?” Your uncle raised his brows in surprise. "When had you— I haven't heard of this from my sister. What do you—“

 

You cut him off. "You're right, I was young when it happened, and that anyone would remember an incident with such an impact to lose a family and lose all your memories for this...” Now your uncle is giving you a look. “I don't remember anything or anyone, when I woke up from a coma three years ago."

 

Your uncle gaped, when something hits him by that statement.

 

You pursed your lips, uncomfortable at Dojima being rigid at everything you told him. The junior cop behind you hasn’t said anything until now. “I was told I've been unconscious for eight years, and that my parents are long dead. But I don't remember them, the medics told me I was separated from them after it happened..." You trailed off subtlety, you shake your head dismissively. "But I'm fine, in a way... Iwatodai is the place I decided to stay for a few years, to settle without rage and desperation because of my amnesia. I've gathered information to find everything that is relevant to me. I just happen to find your names; Detective Dojima in Inaba, and articles about my parents, I found out who am I.”

 

But not everything about you, just your name, where you actually lived, what’s your current age, you had to go to your parents’ house to let a memory spark, but only received flashes of images when you stare hard at the family pictures hanging in the walls. You looked so happy when you were a child, young and vibrate. Unlike now, you’re despicable.

 

You hoped you don’t cause a trouble in Inaba now that you’re here.

 

"Do you remember then?” Your uncle asks with sliver of hope.

 

But you shook your head in disappointment. "No. I still don't remember everything.”

 

The house has gone quiet when Dojima looks at you. Figuring you out what is wrong with you or why this had happened to you so he can come up a better way to fix this. That goes the same to you, you don’t know why and there’s nothing you can do. Dojima wasn’t sure what to do now, he wanted to justify your problem now but he only said blankly: 

 

“I need a drink."

 

You gave him an unimpressed look, you remember he’s alcoholic in the papers you’ve read back in Port Island.

 

"H-hold on, Dojima-san." As if junior detective saw your reaction, he instantly rushed next your uncle to prevent from getting the alcohol in the fridge . "I thought there’s no drink for tonight? Aren’t we're going to celebrate than drinking our victory away?"

 

You raised a brow. "Celebrate?"

 

"Ah." The young detective said with an inviting smile, while holding down Dojima in the chair. "You remember what I said earlier that the homicide case is solved?” You nodded before the detective beamed. "We're celebrating for that, our success. We caught the culprit, turns out it was a high school kid: Mitsuo Kubo.”

 

Now, why the hell a kid manage to pull of murdering a reporter and a high school student? Plus, hanging their bodies in high, unreachable places? How— Okay, you’re better off leaving the thoughts whirling in your head. The police looked better off as well celebrating at their accomplishment, at least you have less to worry in Inaba.

 

"Really?" You snort while vanishing the perturbations inside of you. Looking between the disgruntled  Dojima and the young detective actively persuading his partner to leave the alcohol alone, you stand up while ceremoniously leaving towards the door in a hurried pace. "Then I should leave if you're celebrating—"

 

"No, no." Your uncle waves off your upcoming sentence. "You're staying here for now."

 

"What?" You stopped in the midway, you’re at the hallway, your head is peaking out back to the kitchen.

 

"From what I can tell you've been place to place ever since you came here, right?” Dojima said. “Yu had helped me looking for you and with his friends especially Yukiko Amagi; who had established a record of you staying at the Amagi Inn for a few days.” Your uncle brushes off the young detective’s hands away as he pats a hand at the side of the pale detective. “I doubt you went far but you're challenging to find, good thing Adachi here had luck."

 

"Ah...hahaha...” Adachi’s eyes wide when he’s mentioned, surprise at the praise, he smiles sheepishly.

 

"I'll live." You crossed your arms as you lean against the wall, tired of talking further. "I've handled myself so far in the city.”

 

"Do you have a job? Do you pay rent with your own money?”

 

You stayed silent. No. It wasn’t your money that you used but he got you there. Maybe it was his detective’s intuition working... Or maybe because based on your appearance you don’t look like an active employee working for anyone.

 

"Thought so." You uncle smirked then let out a serious response after Adachi stifled a laugh at your frustrated reaction. Oh, you’re going to kick him if he does that again. “As a father, I don't let a family get left behind. Let me help you, it’s the least I can do."

 

You mentally rolled your eyes when you nearly decline because you usually do that. But how can you say no to that, considering you need your uncle? You made a sound not too disrespectful in front of the detectives. "Fine."

 

"Ok. Good." Your uncle stands up before ordering Adachi to get the sushi from the car. "(Y/N), call your cousins, it's time to celebrate."

 

You didn’t move from the wall until your uncle gave you a glare. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 01/20/19: To be honest, it took me three drafts with different scenarios for months to create a fitting event how Reader and Dojima meets mostly Adachi but finally I manage to make a scenario that Reader meets Adachi at Moel. At first drafts it was suppose to be Nanako meeting Reader but that took out of hand, second was Reader was caught in the tofu shop again but the Moel draft is more appealing and makes the search for reader a bit of use. 
> 
> Anyways, thanks for the kudos. The next update might come soon, please be patient.


	3. Summer Festival

This will be the only night you'll wear your first and last yukata.

 

From Okina complex to the Dojima residence, the unlucky serendipities continues forth. But it wasn’t so bad as you’d thought. Socialising with Nanako and Yu doesn’t pressure and give you insecurities, since you’ve adapted their light sociality.

 

Nanako is cheerful, optimistic, and her youthful vibe encourages you to lighten yourself, a little.  

 

Yu is relatable, his impressions and interpretations, especially his introvert personality, is relieving. Reminds you that you’re not alone— an introvert— in this house, and town. Makes you stay as, well, _you_. But you’re not comfortable to express yourself _too_ much.

 

These kids, surprisingly, your uncle as well, lifted your anxiety issues... a little.

 

It brought you to the point that maybe socialising is not all bad. But it concluded you that it depends on yourself for whoever is you’re interacting with.

 

Socialising is, indeed, a hassle. You’re overthinking on what to say and what not to do because you’re afraid of making flaws and misunderstandings that interprets your bad side. But, once you live with your paternal relatives, they changed your life decisions— a little— sometimes you make permanent decisions.

 

Like tonight, you decided to go to the summer festival, but with a yukata. That means you’ll go outside without your face being concealed from people, _strangers_.

 

This shouldn’t happen if you hadn’t encounter with the junior cop, Detective Adachi. 

 

Dear Gods.

 

For once in your life, you never gave yourself a compliment or a comment that is not insulting. But seeing a mirror with a reflection of a woman wearing a simple-designed yukata is _fine_. You look fine. Definitely fine, like a human being,

 

What would people think when you look _like_ this?

 

You looked closely at what you're wearing one last time before you go downstairs to leave. A white well-made synthetic yukata with bold, vivid colours of flower patterns, a red obi wrapped around your waist. You also have to wrap yourself some towels so it wouldn't make your kimono breezy, so you make sure the obi is not loosed.

 

The set is not too expensive or cheap, it looked _enough_ for tonight; your first summer festival. Hopefully nothing bad will happen to you with your change clothes for tonight compare to your everyday jacket, sweatpants, and converse high. But misfortune always finds you anyway. There’s _bound_  that something’s bad is going to happen.

 

Well, first time‘s a charm.

 

Wearing different clothes, and having no isolated problems makes your night challenging. You also make sure that you _look_ like a _decent_ person, because you have this obsession to look neat for the outside world. Avoiding criticism since your confidence isn't strikingly appealing.

 

Wearing the yukata is unfamiliar, even with your hair is tied and decorated with a single red flower rhinestone crystal hairpin— not too grandeur or too plain— it's fine but unfamiliar. It feels weird with your neck exposed.

 

Especially having your face revealed to the public... It's not that bad, right? You pondered onto that thought as you intently gaze at your reflection in your room again. You look fine, decent, normal for human standards. The yukata is not _that_ revealing, it hugs well in your body but not too tight for your curves. Your hair is not messy since you've combed it for a while after taking a long shower, and your face doesn't show any signs of injury. Even that wound on your left cheek is healed

 

Good. You're good to go.

 

Probably.

 

Going downstairs while having a hard time walking, the door was being knocked. Drawing out a sigh, you hurried your pace without falling— the yukata is hard to walk with— you're unused too this whole process...

 

"I'll get it, (Y/N)-san!"

 

You halt from Nanako’s voice. You forgot that she’s here and that you haven’t told her you’re leaving. Does she want to go with you?

 

You're not used to live and associate with people or relatives. But being with Nanako is practical and kind of nice? Despite you're not comfortable with it, you try your hardest.

 

Then again, it depends whoever is that person. Their personality is their attributed core, their definition of themselves, the most important trait to look out for.

 

You finally reached down the first floor, and saw a glimpse of Nanako opening the door as you head to the kitchen for glass of water. Who is at the door by the way, Yu perhaps? He should be done on his date just now. Or Dojima— no, wait, he's at the police station to do a quick check on the case, you remember. It might take him a while to get home since he always finish work late these days.

 

You heard the door open, followed by Nanako's polite voice. “Hello.”

 

"Hi, Nanako-chan." said a cheery, familiar voice. You took a cup by the drawers, and fill it with water. "Is your dad here?"

 

"Uh... No. He's not here, he's at work." Nanako replied. "He said he'll be home late."

 

"Aww, what? I thought he— Oh, well... If he's not here; could you rely me a message for Dojima-san? My phone needed a new charger so I wouldn't be able to contact him just now. Could you tell him that—"

 

You stepped out from the kitchen to the hallway after you've finish drinking water.

 

You’re greeted by the detective at the doorway, who is now gaping at you. The awkward silence made Nanako follow her gaze from where the detective is looking and her expression mirrors the older man behind her once her eyes landed on you.

 

"(Y/N)-san, that yukata looks good on you!" Nanako said before you said a word. She's beaming in content as she approaches you, inspecting you closely. Her smiles widen as she realised the ‘get up’ you're wearing while you're silently waiting for her next words to come. "You're going at the festival? You should've come with us yesterday. Big bro and his friends are fun to be with, but now they're not available.... You're going alone, (Y/N)-san?"

 

You mutely shift uncomfortably because of their intense stares. No, you don't have someone to be with in the festival since you want to experience it alone. Come to think of it, you could ask Nanako to come with you, but you're not good at taking care with kids outside of the house. Especially Yu, you can't ask a teenager because that'll be— of a sort— embarrassing...

 

Why wear the yukata anyway if you don't have someone to be with? You'll probably be discriminated like ‘ _ **you're such a lonely person**_ ‘ or a ' _ **sad trash seeking for attention**_ '.

 

Isn't this the first time people will see your face? Ugh. This will be worst than wearing the yukata.

 

Your hands started to shake.

 

“No, Nanako-chan. I’m going alone on this one.” You took a moment to realise your heart is beating faster and loud, deafening your ears, the anxiety kicking in. You're not used to people staring at you with this kind of attention. 

 

Wait, did you take your meds? Is that why you’re having a panic attack?

 

Well, crap.

 

Attempting to more or _do_ something as a distraction, you faced at the gawking man while crossing your arms to hide the visible sheer of anxiousness that manifested in your hands. "Is there something you need, detective?"

 

"Huh? Oh! My b-bad..." He laughed sheepishly as he averts his eyes in embarrassment from you, his face is tinged in light pink. "Just here to send a message." He says before he eyes your yukata. Then he faces you with an expression you couldn’t quite identify. "You're going on a date with someone, (Y/N)-chan?"

 

"N-no." You stuttered at the sudden question. Date? You barely hear that word. You don't plan for that anyway, ever. You'd rather be left alone. "I-I don't plan to have a date anyway... It's my first time going on a summer festival in a yukata, for curiosity. Just checking out what’s with all the ruckus this month.”

 

You earn a nod from the detective as he dawns in understanding, seemingly his features relaxed. On the other hand you’re not completely fine.

 

What is wrong with you lately? Because of medication, you live with the Dojimas, and you’re on your way to the festival in a _yukata,_ while explaining the person you don’t like of your inexperienced life towards culture and celebration.

 

Gods. What if he spills the your information behind your back? Will he discriminate or mock at your face? Ugh. You're freaking embarrassing... a humiliation. The choices you did are starting to creep you out, hysterically advance your breathing pattern by a familiar mental breakdown. 

 

Okay. Deep breaths. You got this. You can make it through the night without taking medications, right?

 

"First time?" Nanako asks curiously.

 

You nodded mutely, while trying too hard not to flip out for admitting something that you haven't told anyone before. "I don't usually go out in holidays. But I'm just... curious about the festival and... what it feels like to wear a yukata on...”

 

At least that doesn't sound like a lie.

 

"Well, you do always wear those sweatpants and hoodie everyday, (Y/N)-san." Nanako points out, a hint of rebuke. “Dad always tells you to wear the clothes he gave to you when you moved in but you never wear them, those we're Mom's clothes. I think you'd look pretty with them."

 

_Pretty._

 

_**Wow. A... worst word to describe yourself. You're far from that description. You're just despicable. Trash. Far worst than trash.** _

 

You hate mirrors, you remember... you used to injure your knuckles by smashing one from a previous breakdown, one of the worst ones...

 

_Smash! Shatter. Clatter. Screech... Drip. Drip. Drip._

 

 Oh no, the anxiety... It’s too late to take the medication! 

 

"I doubt it." You muttered when your hands are gripping in frustration. Wanting to hit something, wanting to strangle yourself.

 

"No, you would be if you try to be happy for yourself!” Nanako smiles fondly.

 

Her smile hurts so much to look at. Her expectations would go downhill if she realises your low self-esteem.

 

You shake your head in slight frustration, the migraine is coming immensely by the minute. You’re not doing this again. Not the exact mood for Nanako and Dojima's partner. Never on front of anyone ever again but the lump in your throat forming is competing you otherwise.

 

You tried so hard to never falter, to break to a million pieces but sometimes simple words can crack your perfectly oversensitive, fragile heart. You regained your right mind as Nanako remembers the visitor's reason of showing up. "I almost forgot, Adachi-san, what were you going to say about the message?" She says.

 

The junior cop looks down to Nanako with a small smile. "It's about a folder... just tell your dad: I'll retrieve it back to the station on the next day since I'm on patrol for tomorrow. That's all."

 

"I'll make sure to tell him."

  

When Adachi leaves, Nanako closes the door before she goes back to the T.V show that she's been watching for a while. You eyed the girl longer before leaving. Despite having an amnesia, a dark thought lingers to you; Nanako is nothing like you had been when you were about her age.

 

Happy, smart, optimistic, loved...

 

You _might_ have a same childhood, but you don't remember anyway. But you had this feeling of overwhelming aching...

 

"I'll be going now. Nanako, make sure you lock the door before you go to sleep."

  

"I will. Have fun on your first festival, (Y/N)-san." She waves at you. 

  

You doubt you'll have fun.

 

When you shut the door and turned around, you jumped.

 

”Gods.” You huffed out a breath. “What are you still doing here?”

 

More likely how long was he standing there?

 

”S-Sorry,” the detective said, while rubbing his neck. “I was thinking of going back to say something else to Nanako but I forgot what it was.”

 

”Really?”

 

The cop nods. His poor excuse is ineffective.

 

” _Just_ ,” You sigh deeply. “don't do that again.”

 

You readjusted yourself, checking the obi, the yukata wasn't loosed at least. Geez, walking around with a yukata on is challenging. Why does it feel like your geta is loosed? Did you bought a wrong foot size?

 

You did, because you fell to have yourself face-plant on the asphalt.

 

”Woah there! Careful!” A pair of arms took a tight embrace on your waist.

  

You froze at the contact.

 

"You almost trip there, (Y/N)-chan. Good thing I got you before you hurt yourself.” The young detective brings out a sigh of relief by his statement.

 

But you immediately squirm away. “Dear Gods, _let go_.”

 

He did, you stood straight and you faced him with an unhappy look, clearly not the one he wanted to receive. 

 

“Your welcome?” 

 

You attempted to slap him, only until you tripped again. Sending yourself flushed against his body before his arms caught yours to support you, while holding you tightly. You can feel his body heat due to your lack of fabric.

 

You sputtered.

 

“O-okay.” The officer stammered. He took a deep pause, before he gave out a small chuckle when he realised something’s amiss. "Ahaha... this is— you're _bad_ at this, why haven’t I seen this sooner?”

 

”What?”

 

“Are you sure you can go on your own, especially wearing _that_ geta?"

 

You rolled your eyes. "You got a problem with that, _detective_?"

 

You shove him, separating yourself from him. Instead of creating distance, you only fell because of the force you brought. Your ass took an unimpressive impact on the rough ground, you winced when you felt your pelvis ached. 

 

He laid a victorious smirk as he towers above you. "That's _your_ problem, (Y/N)-san." He remarks, teasing. "I can help you with that. Since you have a problem walking with such a footwear at the wrong size, y’know?"

 

" _Wow_ , I cant imagine you wearing this to advance your experiences and mock me. And since when you took humour to increase your ego, huh?" You sarcastically said, while standing up before you brush of the dirt from your robes. "Your puns are lame too. They're not _punny_."

  

He faked a hurt face, a pale, slender hand over his chest. "Ow. Right where it hurts...”

 

Remember when you thought that: there’s  _bound_  that something’s bad is going to happen, tonight?

 

Yes, this is it.

 

“But that aside, I have a feeling you hate me, (Y/N)-san." He said out of the blue with an inscrutable monotone voice. "Ever since— you know— I found you first, at the gas station? You seem to give me certain death glares whenever we encounter.”

 

Oh? Good thing he noticed your fury when you’re around him. He’s the reason why you’re in this situation now, all you wanted was to live in Okina, not here. Away from him.

 

“But for the sake to let tension break, I'd rather be on the good side for you of what you can do or who you could be, you're not that bad to be with after all, (Y/N)-san.” The cop smiles, it doesn’t reaches his eyes though. It’s weird. “ I feel like I'll have fun with you, you’re side of being annoyed. It's something that I can get from you, you're a very conservative person and inferior, after all. It's kind of exciting."

 

He looks at you with a certain expression that you didn't expect from him. He was just a goofy detective a second ago, now he’s starting you to feel... uncertain vague. His eyes gleamed to a different bright, vivid colour momentarily, you couldn't make out it's specific colour change compare to his grey eyes, or it was just a flicker of the light?

  

You don't know how to respond with this kind of _odd_ attention all of the sudden.

 

"...Anyways,” you break the silence, shifting away slowly. “to answer your question: I can go on my own, without you laughing at me." 

 

"I highly doubt that, Miss." He said with a dawning insincere smile. "Well, I _could_ leave. You can do this alone, the ground is not _that_ uneven and you'll get used to it."

 

When he said that he doesn't move an inch, he just stands there. While smiling innocently, and waiting for something to happen.

 

"Then, why are you not moving?"

  

"Why? So I wouldn't miss out your series of failures." He enthusiastically chuckles and you happen to make a face that you barely show to another person. Gladly, he’s too busy laughing.

 

_**It's not funny, detective.** _

 

"Maybe because I _attack_ the ground frequently." You said bluntly, crossing your arms. Your irritations growing rapidly as you wanted to end this conversation. "I hope Dojima-san would smack you upside down where your head would land impact on the ground and you'll _never remember everything_."

 

You silently cringe at that, and look where that got you... you don't even _remember everything_. You have got to stop joking at conversations like this.

 

“If that we're to be possible, Miss. Probably." He laughed heartily before he playfully winks. "You're easily annoyed its _unforgettable_."

 

Did he just make an amnesia joke?

 

"Geez. Stop. I'm cringing." You made an irritated face. Was that seriously a joke? It’s terrible. "Leave me alone, it's not even five minutes and this is going haywire, I'm leaving. I will stop Nanako from telling Dojima-san your message. Speaking of, why didn't you just go straight to the station to where Dojima-san is...?"

 

He shrugs. "Waste of money and gas. And I just happened to be nearby at your house. Also, my phone is dead for a while."

 

"Poor salary then." You said insensitively. "You didn't do a good job being detective.”

 

He laughed but it sounded hollow. "You're so blunt... I feel like you can make it on your own in the festival."

 

When you thought he'd finally leave, he only went behind you and you jumped at the sudden force from your back, you almost fall to the ground for the fourth time.

 

"Asshole." You clenched your jaw.

  

"Okay, okay, okay!" He chuckled after he raised his hands as a surrender. "Seriously, you're too _sad_ to watch. Let me help you with that, Miss. Consider it as an apology to ruin your freedom."

  

He lends out his hand as a gesture to assist your sorry ass. Well, well, well, he has the audacity to hold your hand then!

 

But you oddly stare at his hand before responding, it looked pale compare to the gas attendant's graceful hand. His has big hands compare to yours, even his height.

 

You never felt so small to a police officer... You sometimes envy tall people.

 

You're not sure what to do but you can't actually walk with the geta with correct balance. People would laugh at you if you went to the festival without a p— support. The geta always slips off from your feet.

 

You shouldn’t have done this in the first place. And you _badly_ want to go back inside the house, but you don’t want the detective laugh at you and embarrass yourself further. Especially the fact you had prepared on wearing the yukata, make up and stuff, for almost two hours.

 

It wouldn’t hurt to let this detective help you. If you’re ever just a casual person and not a victim who suffers amnesia, social anxiety and other things...

 

Oh, no... You _do_ admit you want his help...

 

Dammit. Before you have amnesia, did you wear a yukata?

 

Hesitantly, you landed your hand over his palm and he gladly wraps his hand around yours. You flinched at the contact, not because of the sudden embrace of two hands but his skin is oddly _cold_.

 

It’s like holding a corpse.

 

Although when you adapted his contact, you fiercely grip his hand as a caution if he does anything stupid to you. "I swear if you let me go, detective... I'll slap you."

 

The corner of his mouth twitched, seemingly disappointed, amiss. "I wouldn't if I were you, Miss."

 

 

• • •

 

  

"This okonomiyaki is delicious! Well, mostly because its one of its main ingredients is cabbage... heh.” The detective smiled sheepishly. He took one last loving bite before sighing in satisfaction.

  

You nodded in agreement, the okonomiyaki the detective picked out is somehow tasteful but it’s a big proportion per person so you and the detective have to share one. You also finished the okonomiyaki with a contented expression. 

 

“You’ve got something on your face, (Y/N)-chan.” 

 

You wiped a part of your face, with the back of your hand. “Did I get it?”

  

The detective snickers mischievously. “No. _Here_.”

  

Your eyes widen when his thumb rubs the corner of your mouth, he licks his finger afterwards.

 

Aww, _hell no_. Did he seriously remove something from your lips and lick it?

 

You punched him before he chuckles.

  

“Ouch.” He says, rubbing the aching spot.

 

“You’re so weird.” You muttered.

 

Despite there are people glancing at the two of you ever since arriving at the festival. Your first summer festival is going well.

 

First, there’s not much people left, only a few like two or three groups or so, but at least the festival is likely lively.

 

Second, you have grown used to walking with the yukata not to far from home. Especially the geta problem, the cop fixed it, he happened to you bought you a new pair that fits you.

 

“Wait,” you paused, giving him back the getas. “You’re giving this to me?”

 

”Well, you need it.” The detective shrugs, before he kneels down in form of you, taking off your geta and replacing it with the ones he bought. Your skin tickled by his touch. “Here you go, Cinderella.”

 

You frowned. ”Don't you dare start crap.”

 

By the bus terminal, you suggested that you two could've just take a ride to the festival but the detective insisted that you should walk for the sake of being used to the yukata and geta. You couldn't blame him.

 

He’s somehow, by far, nice.

 

But you happen to punch by his arm when he said he wouldn’t miss an opportunity to laugh if you to failed to walk properly one last time with proper footwear.

  

Once you and detective finished eating the okonomiyaki, the two of you started wandering at the stands. There’s a fishing stall. Curious, you peer onto the fishes, they’re small, endearing creatures swimming and waiting to be caught by humans. How sad.

 

The detective stands beside you, waiting. You look up it his direction. "How do you know much about the festival, detective?" 

 

"Not much. I don't attend to these kinds of occasions since I'm not much of a festive individual."

  

"Wow... for a person like you, I thought you'd party." Honestly, he does look like a person who seeks the fun side of everything even in reality.

 

As far as you can tell, by the way, you shouldn’t be insulting him further since you barely knew him.

 

You stand up before the detective chuckles, he absently rubs his neck. "I don't, (Y/N)-san. I just study like how a good student I should be, and work like how an adult I am, that's all."

 

His demeanour momentary vanished, you almost missed it. You sensed a familiarity, a common vibe.

 

"Dojima-san really ticked you off during work, huh?" You asked quietly as you tilt your head towards him to see his reaction.

  

He doesn't react that is exaggerated, he just shrugged nonetheless. "He was just too hellbent on enslaving people during the investigation. But I have to admit the case took a while to get it through. When we caught the murderer, he's all crazy, admitting the crimes he committed. Like he was proud of it or killed those woman like a champ... What a twisted little bastard." He looks at you and he noticed your tensed posture. "You don’t have to worry anymore about that kid, Miss. We’ve got it covered, he’ll be transferred soon anyway.”

  

"Ah..." You pursed your lips and looked away. "Good to hear..."

 

_Not really_.

 

"Tohru-chan!"

 

You felt detective stiffened beside you, you both turned to be greeted by an old lady, her hands are behind of her hunched back. 

 

"I heard about you finally found and arrest of the culprit. Congratulations.” The old lady said happily. “You really did save this town, detective. After all your hard work, I'm so proud of you."

  

The detective blinks in shock as a few onlookers looks at the three of you. The detective looked like he wanted to shrink by such attention.

 

"I-I didn't really—"

 

"Oh?” The old lady turns to look at you in surprise. “Who is this beautiful lady? I haven't seen her around this town. Is she your lover? Hello there."

 

**_What_?**

 

"Hello..." You slowly said, surprised. You bowed with respect for the elder.

 

"Ah. You seem to find a match for your own, Tohru-chan. I was thinking of finding one that is perfect  for you. But it seems you did in your own." She smiles widen like a proud grandmother. "Are you both hungry? We could come to my house, and I'll make your favourite— nimono!"

 

The detective froze like a mannequin.

 

Would someone please explain what is—

 

The detective abruptly drapes an arm around your shoulder and you stare at him with a glare. "I-I, uh, need to take her home, _right now_. Her family will be worried if I didn’t return her before curfew.“

 

“Well, ain’t that sweet of you, Tohru-chan.” The elder smiles. “Gentleman as ever.”

 

“Y-You need to go home too! The culprit might be in behind bars but that doesn’t mean it’s completely safe being alone at night.”

 

"You’re such a sweet boy, detective. Alright, I'm on my home anyway. Good night, you lovebirds!"

  

The detective nervously waved as the old lady leaves you two.

  

Your mind became hectic after all that... _that_.

  

What the hell is that?! Who the hell— what was that all about you being involved with this _douchebag_?! Seriously, this detective of all people?! You’d be in a million miles away from this guy and that old woman if they’re having ideas about you hooking up with this—

 

You forcibly shrug off the detective’s arm, you took a sharp to look at him. “You—“

 

"Before you say anything, she's not my relative." He said while raising his hands as a surrender.

 

And of all things he said! It made you mad even more.

 

“So what?!” 

 

“Look, she’s just some old lady who has a son with the same name as me.” The cop hurriedly explained. “She keeps feeding me nimono everyday... and I, uh, I'm sorry about her, she misunderstood you. I hope you're not bothered... I’m _sorry_. Please don’t tell Dojima-san about all this, really, he’ll actually _kill me_. He’s pretty careful about your safety and cares about you, a lot!”

 

You stared too long at the detective to search for a lie which made the detective grew anxious at your silent counter. Especially the fact that he told you about your uncle’s awareness of the two of you, Dojima will most likely skin his partner alive if _something_ happened. 

 

Tempting. His fear from Dojima is tempting. So you ceased your anger. 

 

“Fine.” You sighed softly as you stood away, but still pissed. Although, you don’t show it, especially being in public.

 

"Phew! Good to hear. You seemed calm at least, I thought you'd be embarrassed or something. Since you're easily anxious over sociality."

 

Was the detective good at taking a wild guess or he’s perceptive than you think? 

 

"I'm not hypersensitive over something trivial." You said blandly.

  

"Hm. You seem to be ever since the first time we met."

 

That almost triggered you. Why is he so stubborn and annoying? "What’s your point?"

 

"That you're cute the way you are annoyed."

  

_Cute?_

 

_**What the hell is he saying?** _

  

Your eyes became dilated and lips parted before you can recover your blank face. The detective happened to see the reaction before smiled slightly, triumphed. You immediately scowled. "Are you just going to keep pushing me off until I shut you the hell up?"

  

"Y'know, sometimes I'm wondering whether or not you're related to your cousins and Dojima-san." He sighs exasperatedly before face palming. "Oh, wait, scratch that you and Dojima-san are exactly the same. But Nanako-chan's too good for you."

 

"No one gives a crap, detective."

  

His brows shot up. “About Nanako-chan?"

 

"Could you not piss me off?"

 

"At least I could make you talk more often." He laughed happily. "Yu is a bit challenging but you're too easy to be grumpy. It's funny."

 

It’s not funny. You didn’t do anything funny. When had you done something to make a person like him laugh?

  

_**Yes. You did something. You’re always laughable. You’re a fucking laughing stock at whatever the fuck you do or even when you do nothing. Why not look at the mirror and smash it to little pieces like last time? Be embarrassed about yourself. Hurt yourself even more. Yeah. Because that actually solves anything, you pathetic bitch.** _

  

The thoughts didn’t come out from your mouth but the detective saw your face. It looked like your face says everything, thathe’s is not funny. And you’re not comfortable at everything he’s doing.

 

_**Stop denying the fact that you looked funny.** _

  

_**Going to the festival like this? Hah! You’re so fucking stupid. Like new memories could actually—** _

 

"I, uh, I'm sorry then." The detective says, but the **_thoughts_** continues.

  

_**Nanako thinks you’ll be pretty if you try to be a fucking decent person? Dojima thinks you’ll be a part of this family that you don’t remember? Yu actually cares about your existence? That old lady thinks you’re beautiful? She thinks you’re together with some guy that you’re not even worthy to be with someone to begin with?** _

  

“Miss? Hey... are you alright,” the cop waves a hand over your face. “(Y/N)-chan? _(Y/N)_?”

  

_**Yeah. Just stand there like a fucking statue. You’re an embarrassment. You’re an eyesore. Why not cry the? In fact, you’re never—** _

 

“Fine.” You shake your head, brushing off the _**thoughts**_ and the worried detective in front of you. “I’m fine. Don’t worry, I zoned out. My head is always somewhere else.”

 

_**Stupid bitch.** _

 

The detective had taken notice at your long quiet pause, silently reading you carefully.

 

You stared at him blankly. “Ok, what? Is it your turn to be a statue? This is not some online game that we lag or lose—“

 

Funny, you don’t remember him holding your hand. With a numbed mind, you only stare at your locked hands. He doesn’t say anything when he uncovered the sleeves of the yukata and exposed a bad bruise that is painted at your knuckles. You should’ve bandaged that... it was _that_ time when you had a really _bad_ breakdown when you we’re alone.

 

He’s rubbing your injured knuckles gently. You we’re about to remove your hand from his, telling him that you don’t want his pity. Tell that he’s—

 

“People are typical but dangerous in any level.” Adachi says, “They could ruin any lives in a blink by any decision while sacrificing something trivial or precious... Time goes by, and you'd be in between paradise and ruin, because you anticipate something you yearn for. Either that is good or bad, nothing makes a person match their decision for true happiness, in every corner there is always someplace to endure agony. That's life, the reality anyway, you cannot escape it." He looks at you, giving you a involuntary flinch at his gaze. It wasn’t like he’s himself at the moment, the detective you’d somehow know a few seconds ago, anyway. "You should reconsider to not be one of those people, (Y/N)-san. Amnesia can make a person give a new life, whatever's holding you back, you should let it go."

 

Let go?

 

Wait, he doesn’t know you... how can he read you so easily?

 

No. You just met him. It couldn’t mean anything. Nothing of it means anything.

 

You shouldn’t have gone to the festival.

 

You shouldn’t have left the rental.

 

None of this should happen.

 

None of this should—

 

He lets go of your hand as if it burns him. "Geez, what am I saying? I’m sorry that I made you uncomfortable or something. You should ignore that but you didn’t look too swell. I... had to say something? Ahaha... I don’t know. Are we going to go someplace else after eating this or should we head home?”

  

_**You should go home, pathetic trash.** _

 

_**Cry all night if you have to. Be a fucking loser like you’re always—** _

  

You shook your head, a gentle smile threatens to overcome you but you remained stoic like the usual. "Let's just spend the festival until it ends, I... don't want to think anything else right now, detective.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 04/30/19: Edit. Corrections. Additional scenes. Extended dialogues.


	4. Mealtime Issues (Part 1 of 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader gets in trouble in breakfast and lunch.

You felt drained, heavy even. The both transitions of thundering and numbing motion is exactly like you're being squished under a heavy furniture or the gravity decided to suck down your entire existence to the inner core of the earth.

 

The sensation reminds you the usual days when you've overspent your energy, and you'd come back in your room to sleep for almost 24 hours.

 

An abnormal habit. But being boxed alone from the outside world is pleasant.

 

Ever since you have awaken from your coma, you were hospitalised for a while, due to your health’s need to be nourished and steady. Slowly, you’ve grown accustomed to being isolated, in an unhealthy perception...

 

The yearning for loneliness is different than your disordered mental mindset. You’d prefer to be alone, because you’ve had enough of pretending to be someone better, a fake conception. Therefore, you’re behind these four walls that are shut tight, to form a barrier in which no one will ever reach you.

 

_**No matter where you go, you’re always in danger, your idea of being locked away is nothing compare to going outside. Your plan is useless.** _

 

You squeezed your eyes shut, wishing to remove those thoughts as you stay in the room forever. You want to forget everything what happened. All the shenanigans you've done so far ever since you registered in the Amagi Inn, ever since you bought tofu last month.

 

_**Dream on, you pathetic being.** _

 

It vanished. The temptation for something you wished for, it ran away. As you remember the wretched memories slowly emerging from your mind, all memories of Inaba you’ve created.

 

You silently cringed at the dark.

 

You like being alone, drowning in misery. So you’ve kept light at bay. Your room doesn't embrace any shred of light, the thick curtains covered any brightness from the sun.

 

You yearn for the ebony gloom, for the void to consume you.

 

You wanted to be in a limbo, alone, somewhere, where nobody will find you.

 

A nice dream...

 

_**A marvellous dream.** _

 

You didn't move from the futon, body sprawled, unladylike, dressed again in hoodie and sweatpants. The earphones planted in your ears aches your ear canals but you didn't care. The new song from a band piqued your interest. It has a nice touch of the beat, the vocals is soothing like an eternal melody in finite cessation.

 

You added the song in the playlist.

 

Music is nice, relaxing, makes you coexist in society, like you're in another dimension. Another reality. Music helps you block from absorbing negativity that'll penetrate your mentality to complete wreckage.

 

Your eyelids are adding weight. It wasn't a minute long after you decided to drift off to slumber, but the iconic position you're in is disrupted when the door's knocked.

 

"(Y/N)-san. Are you awake?"

 

With a groan, you stood up, abandoning the earphones.

 

The silver haired teenager didn't even flinch at your haste of opening the door. "Ah, (Y/N)-san. You finally came out."

 

"Yu-kun." You yawned with a hand covering your mouth, had to think twice to make the teenager yawn contagiously. A polite move but you sarcastically said. "......I'm still alive and breathing."

 

Yu just looks at you.

 

You groaned internally. "Does a _week_ bother you all?"

 

"We _are_ worried about you." Yu pointed out. His tone is almost inscrutable, challenging to find what emotion lies within. But, now, he's genuinely concerned— despite his blank and introvert mien— considering you outcasted him and the others from entering your room for a week, now he sees your gullible fretting. Gladly, your relatives never defiantly force their way in, except for Dojima's persuasiveness (he didn't succeed) on entering in. The teenager is sort of comical in a way of being stoic to the most stupidest things he encounters, but he never judges, not even people like you. You like him, his natural state, shows you a silver lining that there's hope in this household. "Especially Adachi-san, he was asking how you've been after you've had your date with him at the festival."

 

"What?" You blinked—

 

—then it hit you.

 

You started shaking your head, throwing panicked arms in a refused gesture. "No, no, _no._ It's _not a date_ , Yu-kun. He just happens to be— did _he_ said that he and I _date_...?!"

 

The teenager slowly shakes his head. "No. He didn't. I just assumed—"

 

Yu halted when you send him an expectant look.

 

At the words, it bitters you. Everyone has their own assumptions. But it's still a relief that not every of its existence is true.

 

_**Some assumptions are meant to be true because they made it that way. Like how you deceive yourself and assume you'll be okay in Inaba.** _

 

_**What an expectant snide trash you are.** _

 

Oh. Here comes another migraine.

 

"I didn't know what I was thinking." Yu apologetically said.

 

You took a deep, relaxing sigh before leaning in the doorframe.

 

"It's alright, Yu-kun. It's even not important."

 

You don't even care. But... you don't like people see you what they imagine based on their own perspectives. They have no fucking clue. They all don't. They don't know who you are.

 

The teenager sends you a questioning look. "But he looked like he had taken a liking at you."

 

"What...?" You blinked dumbly.

 

"Never mind." Yu smiles, too quick, and regained his conservative demeanour again. "Are you no longer sick, (Y/N)-san? Do you feel any better? It's been a week since you locked yourself in your room."

 

Why are they worried about you? Do they actually care or was it because of the kinshi—

 

You feel the migraine throbbing repeatedly.

 

Damn you, and your overthinking habit.

 

"Yeah..." You unpleasantly shifted in your place, trying to stay focus on the teenager due to the headache. "I'm fine. I just didn't want to cause a disturbance."

 

The teenager unpleasantly frowned. "You'll never be a disturbance, (Y/N)-san. You're family. We are to oblige your presence and health."

 

You didn't respond.

 

"If you need anything just let us know and we'll be there for you."

 

_**If only it were easy... but when has life been forgiving?** _

 

"I... I'll try. Thanks, Yu-kun."

 

You're trying too hard to make them fall for the empty facade you've created.

 

When will it last? You wonder. It grows tiring every day.

 

The teenager nodded in satisfaction. "And you're just in time, Nanako and I made breakfast. Dojima-san is downstairs. So, this'll probably be the first time we all ate together. Also, you haven't been exactly eating with us lately, Nanako is worried and suggested to have a big breakfast today; she wants you to come eat with us."

 

A part of you wanted to laugh.

 

_**Unbelievable. They're practi—** _

 

_**Why not, shut yourself the fuck up, for a second?** _

 

Your thoughts derailed, you've launch a face that made Yu promptly stares at you. Waiting.

 

You gulped silently as your mind wanders off again. Could he have noticed? He is sharp at observing in a blink of an eye. He could see it right through you when you're basically showing signs of hesitation towards family activities with the Dojimas and him.

 

He should be sensing that you don't want to be with them entirely. He should be noticing that you don't actually care about—

 

No. That's wrong.

 

You shouldn't think like that.

 

_**It's dangerous, you know why...** _

 

Damn it.

 

You hate yourself.

 

_**I hate myself, I know that.** _

 

_**So, why not dispose yourself like a stupid trash you are?** _

 

"You don't have to come."

 

Again, your habit of taking time to answer has commenced.

 

Your unfocused gaze snapped towards to the kid and froze. It's a view you wouldn't wish to see. The look in Yu's eyes is sharp and intending. He had condemned your dim silence as an answer that he'd be interpreting. Like he's sees something conspicuous basically.

 

Like you're too easy to read. Your hesitation.

 

It has been a week. It's been a long week. Or actually it's been more than a week?

 

And during that week or those days, you didn't show up. They were worried. If you keep this up, they'll know.

 

Then, they'l—

 

"It's not that," your hands took shelter in the pockets of your hoodie, preventing from letting the kid see your shaky hands of anxiousness. It's too early for them to notice your problems... it makes the migraine numbly hammer your head even more. "I just ate too much last night..."

 

 _**Pathetic.** _

 

You should— have to distract yourself, as much as you avoid a breakdown crisis. It has been a week. You don't have a choice, bringing the declining card right now in front of the teenager, mostly to the Dojimas, is wrong. They've been waiting for you. Waiting for you to cooperate to be a part of the family.

 

They're too good for you.

 

Fuck, they even let you live here and you have the guts to just waltz right in and out without dining with them daily (there are others things you have done, considerably you act like an ass). You had the audacity to be impolite and disrespectful. You'll ruin the ongoing stable atmosphere that you try to form peacefully.

 

You don't want to go downstairs but you _should_. Not to mention you're starving. Recalling the past nights, you've only eaten once in a day, _at night_.

 

Delivery from Aiya is useful. They cook deliciously.

 

...Is that bacon and eggs you smell?

 

"Big Bro! Breakfast's ready!"

 

The teenager looks at you one last time before leaving you be, bidding you honorifically as he walks away. Unnoticed, you felt slightly ashamed at what you said on his invi— Nanako's invitation.

 

It wouldn't hurt. It's just breakfast. It'll be fine. Totally.

 

_**Dojima-san's there, Nanako-chan's there, Yu-kun's there— they're all there. If they suspect a thin—** _

 

You shut your eyes and took a deep inhale.

 

Calm the fuck down...

 

Calm down...

 

_**Calm. Down. For once.... It's just breakfast and you're freaking out over a fucking breakfast.** _

 

For once, you could act like you're a part of the family. It wouldn't hurt to eat with them...

 

...Probably. But, no. It's fine. Nothing will happen. You could just _act_... It's easy. Smile o— no. Never, smile. They'll see the fake mask. You just have to act nonchalant. Chill.

 

_**For God sake, chill!** _

 

"Alright." You said slowly, surely. The teenager stopped in his tracks. "I'll come."

 

You exhale loudly.

 

It'll be easy. Act nonchalant. Chill.

 

You got this.

 

_**For fuck sakes—!** _

 

Yu turns to you, sending you a bright smile. Your heart was beating in ease when you acknowledge him. It was the first time you've seen an appreciating gratitude from the teenager.

 

Yu should express his emotions more often, you thought.

 

You followed Yu even when your legs are uncooperative due to the idea of having breakfast. You both walk down the stairs and you unperturbedly smell eggs and bacon, it's stronger and alluring, it triggers your stomach to growl, needing the food in hunger.

 

You halted after the last staircase when you see Nanako and Dojima are seating, looking at you with surprised faces.

 

Your mind went completely blank, no thoughts emerging whatsoever.

 

Here it goes.

 

They’re going to get mad, they’ll scold you, question why y—

 

"There you are, (Y/N)." Your uncle said, turning himself to check you. You stayed immobile but he happen to see your agitated stance and pale features. "What the hell happened? You don't look so good."

 

You didn't immediately answer, you silently follow the teenager towards the table.

 

Dojima’s response is not what you anticipated. You expect them to be what you imagine but they’re concerned? Why are they not mad? Why are they not suspicious of you? Are they all dense?

 

Or was it because they’re not too concerned that they most likely move on or go with the flow?

 

"I was sick; had a virus." You replied as you and Yu sat down next to each other. Everyone finally starts eating.

 

Your uncle frown. "Geeze, even that time when we found you, you had a fever.” He took a bite on the sunny side up eggs. “You should take care of yourself. You're basically easy to be inflicted of any illness with that condition."

 

Your uncle points you with his spoon and a grave look, and you’re visibly offended.

 

"I'm delightful." You scoffed, clenching the spoon as you spotted it next to your plate. You snapped before thinking. "I'll live... I even survived from a comatose almost a decade."

 

There was a jarring of fallen utensils with a clang and you froze.

 

_**Way to got, idiot.** _

 

The three of them paused, one of them are midway eating a morsel.

 

The vague silence casted you to instantly shove down a toasted bread in your mouth (almost at your throat) for an advantage to not reply. You winced when your mouth stings, the bread is scorching hot, fresh from the toaster.

 

When will you be a decent conversationalist?

 

Probably never.

 

Good luck on future outcomes then.

 

"What's a comatose...?" Nanako asks while tilting her head, breaking the silence.

 

"Unconscious or most likely sleeping(?) for a long time." Yu stares at you, oddly gazing you at transfixed state.

 

Oh.

 

You gulped the bread loudly before chugging down a glass of water. The kids haven't heard of the news of your "incident", let alone they don't know that you're amnesiac. So...

 

....what do they know of you? When will Dojima tell about your condition?

 

Or does he not...

 

_**That you're humiliating or that they wouldn't understand—** _

 

Why wouldn't they understand?

 

Geez. Calm down. They're probably surprise of your statement...

 

But Dojima-san's face is the opposite of contented.

 

_**Your fucking mouth...** _

 

Nanako hummed. "Isn't a decade is the same as number of years, Big Bro?"

 

"Ten years to be exact."

 

"You slept for ten years, (Y/N)-san?!" Nanako almost stood up from her chair but her father settled a hand on her shoulder, to prevent her from causing a commotion on the table more than it already has....

 

_**You caused this, atone...** _

 

Can’t you do just one simple thing over one simple dinning?

 

You should just _run, hide, never look back._

 

_**Isolate. Bring back the dark hours. The void. The limbo—** _

 

Oh, shit. You’re having a panic attack again. Where are your meds again? You should’ve taken all you medication this morning.

 

Calm down.

 

Calm. Down.

 

Breathe. _Breathe!_

 

You shrugged, unbothered, anyway. If you act like it's no big deal they would raise any degrees of worries. "Yep. I dreamed too long."

 

"What did you dream, (Y/N)-san?"Nanako peers herself to you, curious and somehow expectant.

 

Calm down...

 

"I dreamt about..." You falsely think, then cocking your head as a gesture of being forgetful. You don't want to give them any hints of something. "I don't remember."

 

"You don't remember?" Nanako incredulously said, she settled back to her seat, disappointed. "But you've had it for a long time...?"

 

You nodded mutely. "You know, Nanako-chan, dreams can be easily forgotten... when you finally wake up to the real world."

 

Now, Yu is giving you a vague look, except for Dojima who is surprisingly insensible, just focusing on eating.

 

"Sometimes I remember some of my dreams, some are even funny." Nanako giggles with a tone of rose pink painted at her cheeks. "I remember one that I'm flying! It's felt like it's real— it's not— but it's fun! Do you have a dream of flying, (Y/N)-san? What kind of dreams you have, the ones you remember?"

 

You shake your head. "No.... I remember... falling, running away, being injured, drow—" You stopped when you realised that there's an adult and a teenager really gives you a look this time and it's not inviting. Nanako, confused, looks around at the table at the abrupt silence.

 

You forgot that Nanako is young to hear these kinds of topics...

 

_**You should cut your tongue first before your puls—** _

 

You flimsily derailed, blurting an inconvenient speech. "—p-probably it's because I'm clumsy in my dreams— I remember, uh, I slipped a banana and fell at the waterfalls...!? Then... a, uh, crocodile tried to eat me but I, uh, m-managed to feed it off with a p-pineapple...!"

 

Nanako laughed at your unconvincing coverup, though she doesn't know what's the gist... "A crocodile eats a pineapple? Well, at least you survived (Y/N)-san. Right, Big Bro?"

 

Yu smiled as he nodded, he doesn’t look at you again.

 

"That's just luck." You said then turns before you flinch under Dojima's longing stare.

 

"What?" You blurted, a sweat unconditionally runs down at your face.

 

But the old detective shrugged, shaking his head before eating the morsel. "Nothing. Just... never had breakfast this lively for a while."

 

Ah.

 

You stared emptily but you're trying to lighten the mood. "Dojima-san, breakfast is food not alive."

 

_**You dumb fuck, you're an embarrassment...** _

 

_**Just stop—** _

 

"What?" Dojima perked.

 

Nanako suppresses a laugh. "Ah. I get it."

 

"Same." The teenager nodded in agreement.

 

"But that's terrible, (Y/N)-san! How can you say that with a straight face? You're sometimes like Big Bro!" Nanako laughed. "You should express your emotions often!"

 

_You should express your emotions often!_

 

 _**Right...** _

 

_**If only it was easy, Nanako-chan...** _

 

_**But... being with you gu—** _

 

You nearly smiled but you kept a blank face.

 

Never smile. Ever.

 

It's because people will see that it's fake.

 

_**You're fucking hopeless, remember that...** _

 

Dammit. Does your chest hurts again? Where had you last place your meds again?

 

"Runs in the family, I guess." You murmured, while calming yourself down.

 

Inaba is difficult. Too soft, pacifist, easy, quiet... everything about it is challenging to belong... because of its unpredictability.

 

Especially, being with the family you only have left...

 

 _**Yeah, right. Family.** _

 

_**Go to Hell, you rotten bitch.** _

 

You flinched at the precipitous heavy grasp laid on your throat.

 

You froze entirely.

 

 _**Pathetic.** _

 

_**Worthless.** _

 

_**Trash.** _

 

 _**Rotten.** _

 

Your whole body felt different.

 

 _Drip_....

 

You taste blood when the flow runs down to your lips and absently lick it.

 

Hesitantly, you touched your upper lip, you are to inspect your fingers are dipped in red.

 

Red. A nosebleed...?

 

_Shit!_

 

_**You’ve done it again and you’ll never escape it.** _

 

Instantly, you covered your nose and stood up and ran to the bathroom, closing the door with a loud thud. The others; faltered at your abrupt move, froze afterwards. The dining room has gone silent by unsure occurrence. You haven't realised on the other side of the bathroom door, in the living room, the silver haired teenager's face formed to utter aghast.

 

• • •

 

By noon, you went out with your motorcycle. Dojima said it's okay for you take a breather in actual fresh air rather than circumscribed from it. At the end of consecutive minutes, you found yourself parking by Souzai Daigaku. The shop selling steak croquet and beef steaks in the Central Shopping District. Ever since breakfast is over you haven't had faced yourself to the three of them, yet (never). It was awkward and plainly hard to explain the situation unsubstantiated.

 

It's not the best option to ignore them afterwards.

 

Honestly, it's shit. Pathetic. But, no, you cannot allow your mind to devour your composure anytime sooner. Meaningless rehabilitation is something you cannot recover, you've learned that the hard way or the other way around but in the end it's difficult to endure. Everyday is tedious and punishing. So you have to stay away in order to not fall apart or let alone a breakdown find you.

 

Especially what happened after breakfast.

 

Breakfast like that shouldn't happen again.

 

Never have breakfast with them ever agai—

 

No. You have to. Courtesy. Etiquette. Respect. Whatnot. For the sake of not being kicked out.

 

Fuck, this sucks... This is why you don’t socialise!

 

Clearly you should start memorising delivery services' numbers in order to sustain your unseen presence to your family. To avoid interactions, to avoid mistakes, to avoid panic attacks—

 

—To avoid attachment.

 

What about Nanako?

 

 _**She'll eventually forget you.** _

 

People like her are nice... but one day she'll grow to a twisted person, like the rest of society.

 

_**Exactly.** _

 

You mentally groan.

 

You didn't think this day could go any worse.

 

"Oh? You're that lady with the detective the other day!"

 

You jumped from the unexpected voice, almost falling down from the yellowish plastic crate seat. Your patience for your order replaced to instant chariness, trying to earn back your reactive response for the person who had just addressed you.

 

"Oh, dearie! I didnt mean to scare you."

 

You recognise her, yet the memory of her image is dimmed since you met her last week. It's that old lady from the festival when you were with the detective. You didn't think you'd cross paths again, but then again this town is not outspread from the very likes compare to the city.

 

"H-hello..."

 

You felt absolutely perturbed at the situation that you can feel your whole body shaking, driven by the anxiety.

 

Did you just forgot to take meds again? You should've taken your meds this morning...

 

 _**You're just good at being forgetful and reckless that you didn't overthink that there will be consequences. You're such an embarrassment, you should die sooner.** _

 

The old lady pleasantly smiled. "How are you, dear?" Has Adachi-san been treating you well?"

 

Last name. She said. Your body went rigid at the thought passed by you.

 

You remember... Last week, before you went home from the festival, you and detective happened to talk about the nimono lady who made him embarrassed at the attention and, well... her assumption of you and him dating...

 

• • •

 

After the hours of spending the festival, the detective explained again his situation about the old lady as you questioned his relationship with her. He ended it with an unsatisfied comment.

 

"So? If she cooks for you, that's not bad, right?" You said before you both sat the bus terminal. You sighed in relief when you relaxed your leg muscles from the soreness, you've been walking for hours. 

 

 _Is it almost midnight?_ You didn't realise time flies quickly...

 

You only hear cicadas and the both of you breathing before the detective answers your question.

 

"Not bad?" The detective's mouth involuntarily twitched, from which you don't know whether he's laughing or grimacing at your statement. "Lady, you don't even know... She's not really talking to _me_ whenever we encounter."

 

What is with him being agitated at the topic? 

 

"Then, what's with her that made you this disgruntled?" You blurted, but you sounded like you're trying to come up with an argument.

 

You only met with silence and a blank stare. 

 

"I-I take it back," you nervously said, mindlessly scooting away at the eerie reply and the stiff detective. "you looked like your body is about to vomit of blood, sweat, and tears if you answer."

 

When you face him again, the detective shakes his head with a distant look, like he's looking far away instead of you. "It's not a big deal, (Y/N)-san. Once, I happened to vomit when I ate her nimono, it wasn't a good timing when you're full from having dinner with your coworker... Your uncle is really persistent at feeding me, but... I don't need his help. Instead, he's just influencing me into drinking. Heh..."

 

The detective smiled at you when he focuses his attention at you, and you don't know how to reciprocate that calming expression.

 

You don't even need to know how this detective was able to associate for someone like your uncle. The detective is witty, unfazed, and unbothered... That your uncle had more time with him instead of your young cousin— but they're working together, partners, yet your uncle has been taking care for the detective. 

 

Then again, the disheveled detective is lean and proven to be poor on diet and lifestyle. Despite of it he has some sharp features close to an ordinary grown man. You can plainly see his shapes and curves based on how his suit almost gives away his thin body. 

 

If he hasn't eaten anything for a year he'll be likely be blown away easily by the wind.

 

You nearly smirked.

 

And then, there's that elder. The detective wasn't pleased at talking about her, you noticed. So, you tried to change the subject, but nothing came up, instead there's this curiosity that has to go.

 

"If you and that old lady are not related, then why is she addressing you personally?"

 

Tohru, is what she called him. Isn't it supposed to be his last name or something?

 

You expected the detective would be irritated further or that he'd buried your question with a joke but he answered impassively. 

 

"I rarely get called by my name— not that I cared of what people call me— but with her knowing—" There it is again— his eyes flickered to brighter orbs, that this time you're sure if you're not hallucinating. It's very a clear perspective when you're staring at his face. "It ticks me off, to think she's someone that can personally interact me— as if I am a part of her family." His jawed clenched during a pause. "But to her, I'm just a temporary medicine for her to cure her loneliness. What a joke."

 

An awkward silence between the two of you lefts you unassertive thoughts towards his slander. Is he always like this? Does he pretend to hide his opinions on others that are majorly offending? Just now, is that the real him? His true self?

 

What would happened if _you_ pissed _him_ off?

 

But, no imagination can cover up that question when you're reminded that this detective is not likely to hurt anyone to his demeanour... He's more like... a teenager who is hits puberty, ego and emotions going haywire and relentless.

 

Probably. And how would you know teenagers are like that? You haven't met one and your teenage years have only passed by because of the coma. You don't even have a slight of memories of becoming a one as well...

 

When you're deep in your thoughts the detective went flushed at your wordless stare. "Oh. You happened to see that... I was just tired. Could you pretend you didn't see that?"

 

"You really don't like her, detective." You insensibly said, and the detective froze. 

 

The last bus appeared around the corner, it's headlights flashed the two of you momentarily. You stood up as the bus gets closer, and you nearly tripped off the sidewalk when you remembered that you're wearing a yukata. "That's kind of dangerous with your unhealthy thoughts. Aren't you a police officer? Like you prioritise your authority and trust for the citizens, not hate and criticise them?"

 

 _**Of course, you stupid dumb fuck, your hasty generalisation doesn't count. Not everyone is a good person, especially the authorities.** _

 

_**When have you ever gave someone your trust to an actual decent person?** _

 

"...You don't have to answer." You said before entering in the bus, leaving the detective behind the terminal. "Good night, detective."

 

• • •

 

"You don't call him by his first name."

 

The old lady stares at you, confused.

 

Your mouth flies open before a hand covered it. Did you just blurted? You are sure that you're thinking but you said that out loud. Embarrassing. You wished to shrink so tiny that the old lady can't see you anymore. "Ah! Sorry. I slipped."

 

_**You clearly don't deserve a tongue.** _

 

"That's okay, dear." The old lady smiled. "Adachi-san wanted me to address him formally in the first place but I didn't. He wasn't too happy about it."

 

Is this the part when you get to hear the old lady's story of how the detective is embarrassed and annoyed at her?

 

Well, shit. It seems you are.

 

This is why you don't socialise, you get involved.

 

"Why?" You found yourself saying, then your hand twitches at the anticipation of masochism.

 

_**You should just slap yourself or bash your head at the table so that there will be a gaping hole at your numb skull. Kill yourself in front of he—** _

 

"I just want to call him by the name his mother gave to him." The old lady softly explained. "He seemed lonely at his work or that he'd stand around in Junes, it saddens me. I doubt most people in this town befriends him without formality and authority. To me, I did it but the name calling sort of slipped; I see the detective like my own son."

 

The old lady frowned. "I guess it's because I miss my boy. With the detective, having the same name as him, I called him by his first name, inviting him at my house, making him nimono... it's not right when I realised it."

 

She sadly looks at you and you nodded in acknowledgment to show that you're listening, you encouraged her to continue.

 

"A few days ago, my son came back to see me, then they met, and I see it that Adachi-san doesn't look like my boy, despite having the same name." The old lady concluded her dilemma. "Turns out I just miss my son even more, that Adachi-san became a... more like an imposter. I... I felt ashamed of that... Adachi-san must've been angry because I mistreated him differently when he noticed my behaviour. As if I am a delusional, crazy lady."

 

With the detective, you don't what angers him. But to the elder, he gets mad at that?

 

No. You doubt he'll be insensitive, that's just the old lady's assumption.

 

"I don't think he'll be angry at such things..." You said surely.

 

"That's because he doesn't show his anger, dearie." The old lady replied. "I've never seen him express more emotions other than what he publicly shows... You can never tell what he is actually thinking."

 

You frowned unto this new revelation. "That's... surprising, or maybe it's because he acts civil— because he's part of the authority— to establish rationally for citizens perhaps..."

 

Publicly. That's your presumption. So far you barely knew the guy, but he hasn't shown any irresponsibilities as a police officer.

 

Yet. Although that is not your interest to begin with, like you don't care for the government, social media, the forces— those are not your part to involve with. Especially with that detective, you don't care about him anyway.

 

"...Well, I pray for him and you, of course." The old lady pats your shoulder and you flinched under her touch. She doesn't see your jolt. "I still can't believe he finally found someone who look after him. I'm proud of him to find a beautiful lady that he'll be together with."

 

You panicked when she's not stopping at this "love matching" between you and the detective. "I, uh, I'm not—"

 

"You also haven't told me your name, what is it?"

 

You hesitated.

 

"...(Y/N) (L/N)."

 

"Oh?" Her eyes widen. "...You're Dojima-san's _niece_!"

 

 _Oh, great if Dojima hears about this. He'll most likely kill his subordinate and it'll be your fault._

 

At least the dark side of your head doesn't discourage your mentality and situation, for now... That's a fresh.

 

"Does your uncle know you're dating his partner?"

 

"No...!" You gaped at the elderly. "I'm no—"

 

"Ah. So this is a secret then? Don't worry, I won't tell anybody else." She winked.

 

You're starting to sweat anxiously and deflated one distressed. You don't know if you should give up or just eat the food next to you...

 

...When had the food arrived?

 

Well, that explains that aromatic scent nearby or the fact that is in front of you, waiting to be wolfed down by hunger.

 

The old lady decided to leave as she noticed your temptation and privacy. "I must be going, enjoy your lunch, (Y/N)-chan."

 

When she turns, you quietly sigh in relief, delighted that it's over—

 

"Oh. (Y/N)-chan?"

 

 _**When will this end?** _

 

As much as you need to eat and let the senior leave, you couldn't bring a grimaced face in front of her soft utterance.

 

A trouble, apologetic one. "Tell Adachi-san: I'm sorry."

 

Your eyes widen.

 

"Since you're with him recently, and I couldn't find him lately— he's must've been busy at work— I couldn't talk to him. He wasn't in his home as well whenever I visit..."

 

She smiles and you instinctively nodded.

 

"If we're to see each other again, I'll make him his favourite, not nimono this time. Hehe... take care!"

 

She left, before your wear your earphones and tuned up the music.

 

The steak has gone cold, but you eat it anyway.

 

During the chorus of the song and your midway of eating the steak, you happened to ponder onto the dilemma of the detective and the old lady.

 

In your opinion, it's not serious. But the detective appears to be malcontented, and the elder is guilt-ridden that it troubles them both.

 

You could... fix it?

 

You could but only for the reason to be empathetic. Your humanity...

 

_**Ugh.** _

 

Mostly, for not wanting to witness the detective's simultaneous unhappiness that brings you skeptical distrust and uncertainty of his unpredictable behaviour.

 

Anyways—

 

—to say this short of what you have gathered, the elder is just in a vision of solace that she blindly granted. In result, the detective is unhappy of the treatment because he was being used instead of being interacted.

 

Hm.

 

There's nothing wrong with old people but being old has its social and daily flaws, sometimes (probably, but you've never bonded one, so how you'll would you know?), but it's common, are far as you know...

 

They tend to forget easy. They're slowwitted. They're inflexible to socialise with. They're are unapparent on cues and tenets. They're a whole different level people in society.

 

There's nothing wrong with them, they're wise, experienced just... something else...

 

_**Troubling brainstorming, huh? Your not good at one of this— actually you're not good at anything, at all—** _

 

"Argh!" you took the last bite with your teeth. "What have I gotten myself into?!"

 

_Ping!_

 

Silently, while chewing, you took out your phone out and opened the message. You spot the dorky nickname you gave for your uncle in the contacts.

 

_(Y/N), when you come back, could you cook dinner for Adachi tonight? I happen to caught your sickness and I'm now in bed. I couldn't feed the damn rookie._

 

You groaned loudly as you crane your neck. "Dojima-san..."

 

You replied: _Sure, uncle. I'll come back home immediately._

 

"I'm sure Junes is open at this hour, right?" You wonder.


	5. Mealtime Issues (Part 2 of 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner went well until...

Even if it's night or day, the police station is unpredictable, you don't know why but it's something you oddly feel. Everything about it is commonly indecisive. You never know what might happen, even if your uncle is a part of the Inaba Police Department, you're not safe.

 

Not that you'd care whether you're safe or not, you never care anything about yourself at all.

 

At least you drank your meds, it saves the trouble for the rest of the night. You took it for precaution when you had dealt with the detective long enough for him to know you're an emotional wreck. Yet a person with mood swings, and mental and physical sickness is visiting the police station at night where there will be _people_. The one thing you don't like.

 

Traveling to the station is not a hustle, cooking is just a hobby, there's nothing opposing to accept the favour, except you have to socialise in order for this task to complete.

 

Dear Gods.

 

Despite your usual trance of being dull and uncooperative to the world, there is also another concerning empathy that you grew. Surprisingly, you have one for this situation.

 

It was when your uncle asked you to feed his subordinate; you recalled that the detective told you: that Dojima is insistent on taking care of him because of his lacking healthy lifestyle. With your uncle's actions; it clearly shows how much the detective is important to Dojima, like a friend.

 

But you'll never forget to add the fact that your uncle influenced the rookie to drinking alcohol.

 

What an irresponsible supervisor.

 

You hoped that you won't run into more people like your uncle when you've arrived at the station, Dojima and his partner are already enough, especially the ones you've crossed in the past (when you woke up from your coma). That feeling of defence lingered like that moment when the police entered the hospital room you're staying at, you eventually adapted a wary stance of every police and coworkers you see in the Inaba Police Department. You just don't want to experience another snappy and complicated encounter with any police.

 

In the entrance there's no one else except for a worker in the reception. With earphones on— still on your oversize jacket and sweatpants— one hand on your pocket and one hand holding the bag, the person in the reception waved at you.

 

"Over here, Miss!"

 

Even with the music blasting in your ears, you hear him. You remove one of your earphones and approached the reception in silence. The music still plays on.

 

You don't exactly regret drinking the meds in a place like this. That's why you're functional, if you haven't taken the meds earlier you would've done a different response.

 

"(L/N)-san, right?"

 

You nodded, before taking a respective distance from the counter. You felt you should, but it's kind of offensive at being cautious at any human being you met.

 

Not like there's anything wrong with that, considering your circumstances.

 

"Ah. Dojima-san's asked you to feed the rookie?" You nodded again and the receptionist smiled sincerely. "Well, just go down to that hallway and go right at the end, third door."

 

You glanced to where he pointed the directions, and your legs moved again. You paused before leaving, you're reminded that don't want to be rude because your mouth is shut and you don't want to humiliate Dojima if you're not a good family representative.

 

But you answered in a lesser bright tone, the usual kind you used. "Thank you."

 

At least the receptionist politely smiled, somehow pleased.

 

The police station wasn't that big, but it's intimidating enough for you to be alert at every second. Once you found the third door, it is left opened, you entered in with a knock.

 

Dojima's partner is nowhere to be seen in the room filled with offices as you take a peak. There's only a young, appealing man— probably another detective or a rookie— in the corner of the room. He was keenly reading the papers in his desk, but he lost focused when you knocked again. He looks at you.

 

You remove your earphones, letting them slung at your neck while the music plays on without you hearing it.

 

"Hello." You began and you took a hesitant step forward, holding the doorknob in a careful manner.

 

The officer's eyes wide, too wide.

 

"H-Hi!" He stuttered as he quickly— too quick that you're startled at his abrupt action— stood up from his chair, the furniture is about to tumble to the ground before the detective had caught it with a clumsily grasp. His face is flushed in embarrassment after he realised you're witnessing everything in silence. "C-Can I help you with something, Miss?"

 

You blinked slowly before brushing off the scene as if it's nothing. "I'm looking for Detective Tohru Adachi... Is he here?"

 

The coworker looks around in the office before he realised something's amiss. "Ah. Crap. I didn't realise I'm working late..." He slowly stares at you again and it only made his cheeks tainted cherry red. "Adachi went out for a bit, do you need something from him?"

 

You raised the bag that contains inside the detective's dinner. "Dojima-san asked me to feed his partner."

 

"Ah. You're that relative of his I heard!" The guy went bewildered. "R-Right! You can wait for him here. You can sit here, Miss."

 

He pulls out a chair from the other desks. You walk to the chair that is distinctively   separated from the others and you sat on it. "Thanks."

 

The officer smiled, his cheeks are still red, then it turned pale and exasperated when he looked at his phone after it buzzes. "Crap. Of all time, why _now_?" He whined and regained himself. "Ah, Sorry, Miss. I'll be leaving you now; duty calls. Bye!"

 

You nodded and he walks out, leaving the door slightly opened.

 

" _Shit_. I didn't think Dojima-san has a cute niece..."

 

You happened to hear him but you didn't have the guts to comment.

 

When you're all alone you didn't even notice what time is currently ticking after you met that young detective. You waited patiently, counting ten seconds before waiting for something to happen like someone entering in the offices, a detective or someone, maybe a human being. But there is no one.

 

Loneliness is fine. But being alone in a situation is not fine.

 

You put your earphones back on before you eyed curiously to all the desks that are unoccupied by any police officer. You  glanced back to the opened door, the hallway is quiet and it's still lit by the lights, although there are sounds of lights turning off from outside.

 

You will certainly not be happy if the detective didn't come back any time sooner.

 

It was a while for Dojima's subordinate to come back in the office, so you didn't stay on the chair for long. You can't handle your body growing stiff at staying in one place. The pins and needles are starting to invade your body.

 

You walked around at the dimly lit room, and you can't help but feel wary at the silence and being out in the open at such a place.

 

When you see a your uncle's name on a table tag on a certain desk, you hastily approached it. You clicked your tongue when you've met the expectations, it's Dojima's workplace.

 

If his is here then his partner's...

 

You glanced the desk next your uncle's. Humorous thoughts runs in your mind— the young detective would've probably needed a headset if he was close to a loudmouth, hotheaded detective that scolds him from time to time. He also needs a personal paramedic if he's getting "beaten up" most of the time.

 

You've heard stories between their cooperation together ever since they've became partners. There are some parts of the stories where you take in and imagine the events between the two officers, Dojima _does_ pack a punch whenever the detective slips up in his job.

 

Hm. Poor rookie, he'll be gone deaf and disabled soon anyway.

 

Curious, you sat on the chair behind your uncle's desk, placing the packed dinner on the table, and opened the first drawer you instinctively touch, a drawer from the bottom right. When you opened it, there lies a number of folders and papers.

 

You picked the one on the top and unfolded it, reading the first line of the sentence then you snort in disinterest, closing and tossing the file back to the drawer with effortless care. You dig in more to the drawer, there's a lot of files actually, your hands are practically in the drawer now as you seek more papers to read from boredom. As you chose another file, you read it but you closed it and tossed the file back in because it doesn't caught your eye. The same treatment received like the third file you randomly picked, then the fourth, the fift—Oh.

 

After you opened the fifth folder, you realised it's the transfer paper about Dojima's partner.

 

You glanced at the rookie's desk, then the room, and the opened door— he's still not yet coming back.

 

Oh well, might as well reveal the rookie's secrets.

 

There is something about that rumpled detective that you have doubts he is someone to be trusted, you vaguely think. But the expectations is somewhat uncanny when you remember the time you two encounter, the detective is something else, unlike the previous people you associated with.

 

He's readable, but dubious and unpredictable, like this police station.

 

Within the folder of the transfer paper has a letter from the rookie's previous department and a letter from himself. You read every word carefully of every detail you can see as you unlabelled the papers neatly across the desk. Skipping most words as you find valuable ones.

 

Detective Tohru Adachi. An officer transferred from place to place, city to city, Inaba is his first local area to be transferred since last spring.

 

No bad records, it's clean. No promotion as well.

 

There's nothing appealing from both good or bad records or notes that is filed about the detective whatsoever, Like everything about him is basic. He's done nothing apprising of a sort. Perhaps living a simple life.

 

Speaking of life, you looked on to his personal profile and information. Flipping another page in interest.

 

Feb 1, 1984. He's twenty seven. A few years older than you.

 

You would've called him formally by his surname but you lethargically don't care. So, you're just plainly rude.

 

He's only child, a surprise, really. No father— ah. Divorced. Not good. Has a single parent then. His mom...? He also have distant relatives, but small, since he is only actively connected to his maternal side, which it's also small.

 

You can't relate to any of this stuff since you don't have a mother or father or siblings. Especially when you're having second thoughts of whether or not that the Dojimas and that Narukami kid are your relatives.

 

Dojima seems to know you well though. That's a good hope to cling into.

 

Back to the rookie's paper, about his work this time, there are some cases from different cities he was investigating, all are minor not too serious probably dealing with delinquents or somewhat. He might be lacking experience in the field.

 

Wait. No. He and the other Inaba police officers have managed to solve the homicide case.

 

Hm.

 

Anyways, to analyse about his files so far, there's no involvement of the Port Island investigation of a mid-twenty year old adult that had awoken from a coma due to an event that occurred ten years ago, that adult is a _witness_  of the case.

 

"(Y/N)-san?"

 

Startled, you promptly bolt up, and consequentially, you accidentally strike Dojima's chair backwards. Your eyes happened to stare at the detective, who is standing by the door, you wordlessly and discreetly returned all the papers and folders back to the drawer and shut it with your leg.

 

The detective looked confused as if he isn't sure how to respond at your panicked frame. He fully walks in the room and shuts the door behind him. "What are you doing here? Is there something you need?"

 

You removed one of your earphones from your ears, pausing the song before it ended the intro. You cleared your throat before raising the packed dinner in front of you. "Dojima-san asked me to feed you dinner. He's sick right now, that's why he's absent. He'll get better once he takes a rest for the day."

 

"Ah." The rookie clicks his tongue after his face went perplexed because of the news, like he'd couldn't picture his supervisor being sick _at_ _all_ , nor that your uncle's asks you to show up at the station because of a personal concern he's driven to. The detective walks across the room, the heels of his shoes makes a clicking sound by his ambiance pace. You're still in the same place, unmoving as you hold the bag, he walks around the desk of his supervisor to take the dinner from you. "Thanks for delivering...? Dojima-san never told me about this."

 

"He didn't texted you?"

 

"I haven't checked my phone all day..." He murmured before pulling out his device, checking the message in silence, he made an acknowledged sound once he found it and read it.

 

You watched him in silence as he pockets the phone and turns away from you, leaving you be. From about a minute, you expected him to comment— anything about your presence but no avail. A joke or a sarcasm (or another passive aggressive comment), but to your surprise, he doesn't give any, as much as you are dismayed.

 

You haven't seen him this whole week, so this is the first you've been for a while. You observe him as he walks across the room and sits down to a table for dining that is separated from the offices. He doesn't give any facial expressions, a smile or a frown, none. It's blank like a porcelain doll, you don't like that, it gives you a chill to the spine even if he's afar from you. He didn't even make eye contact to you, too occupied at what he's doing, wordlessly opening the bag that contains the dinner inside.

 

For the first time you've noticed (since what? Since you met him?), his frame and body movement is somewhat sluggish, he probably spent all his energy on the job (or there could be something else that tires him). He's probably in a state to be in a lethargic mood.

 

Or that he could be messing with you, you don't take him as a person that moves unintentionally without giving out a real distinction.

 

He lays out the two plastic containers to the table, and pulls out the chopsticks from the bag. He paused for a moment and looks up from the food.

 

You blinked. "What?"

 

The detective shrugged before opening the plastic cover of the container. "...Actually, why Dojima-san asked you to come here when he ha—" His eyes widened. " _woah_ , _this_   _smell_ _so_ _good_!"

 

If you're watching an anime that reenacts this moment now, you'd visualise his eyes would sparkle and his mouth would exaggeratedly drool.

 

"Chicken katsudon, nothing special." You brushed off his incoming question, sitting again on Dojima's chair. "Dojima-san asked me because Yu-kun is helping Nanako-chan with homework. He caught me cooking one day and he decided I should be the next person in the house that is in charge of the feeding."

 

The detective paused, his mouth is opened to have a first bite. "Wait... _you_ made _this_?"

 

You nodded.

 

"Wow." He took a bite and his eyes widen even more, he chews for a moment and finally swallows. You watched him eating then until he hesitated, "...Aren't you leaving or...?"

 

_(Y/N), watch Adachi finish his food, he tends to leave it until it gets wasted whenever I bought takeouts. You're not leaving the station until he leaves no crumbs of food_.

 

You shrugged nonetheless. "Dojima-san's orders"

 

"Pfft... Damn, he demands a lot, ya know?" He gave out an exasperated look, slumping in the chair, for a second there you thought he'd nearly slide down to the floor. "You're just gonna watch me eating this?"

 

"Not really. I don't have to watch at you all night."

 

He stares at your deadpanned response before tittering while sitting up straight. He continues to eat the dinner you made. He shrugs with a small smile. "Do what you want, I guess."

 

You didn't answer. You moved on, scooting over to peer at his desk in mild curiosity. There's nothing much to see in here, it clearly an empty embellishment to his work desk. You anticipated something funny would be set here, but you see nothing.

 

You happened to eye the seen-able stack of papers and folders that is laid over another counter next to the desks of Dojima's and his partner. You faced the rookie again. "That's a lot of paperwork. Are you dealing with another case?"

 

He shakes his head. "Nope. It's more on Kubo's case. One of them is the letter of Kubo's transfer, he'd be going to another prison facility. Probably in the city, they'll need to keep a closer inspection and eye on him. Considering how he'd taken lives of three people and hung them in the T.V antennas or high places."

 

You sunk in the information but you really don't give a damn about the kid anyway. Despite the unusual circumstances on how the announcer, the Yasogami student, and Yu's homeroom teacher died in a same end, it's really not that you'd want to know how a kid like Mitsuo killed people, and what happens to him now. He should've met his end as well. You clicked your tongue in agreement as you shoved your hands in your pockets. "Inaba is not capable of handling prisoners like him. Plus, this place doesn't even have that many police force."

 

"Hm. Exactly." He takes another bite, chewing, then swallows again. "I'm not from one of them from the beginning. In fact, I was transferred here last spring, since— yep, like you said— Inaba lacks the police force. I came from the city like you."

 

You know but you didn't say. So, you just nod nonetheless.

 

The rookie sighs, unsettled. "Honestly, the town is ultimately placid. The low crime rates, peaceful agenda, plain profile; this town has nothing going on!"

 

"What do you see in this town then if nothing is going on?" You asked.

 

He briefly stares at you before he reckons on, thoughtfully. It wasn't long until he answered, "It's a dead end. This nowheresville is so boring that if deflects a promising future. A waste. Nowhere to go. Why bother to live in this worthless town?"

 

Ah. So that’s how he is...

 

With that, you both exchanged looks before he flashes you a smile, almost an unhappy one. You suppose it was his intent (or not) to reassure you by his bland explanation but you noticed he's not all sincere to cover up his unexciting mood.

 

Maybe he is planning to show you more of his true, unspeakable colours with this usual pace onto the conversations you two have to ever since. It's getting predictable for him to open up his dull confessions, you frequently noticed. The times when it was all normal chit-chat then it takes a sharp flick to an inquietude gist, it really bothers you. You're already in an unstable mental state and now there's another person who likes to test your dread by his ominous vibe.

 

In the beginning, you didn't trust him. He keeps revealing his disrespectful demeanour that pushes your luck to avoid him more and more so. But you two just crossed paths at certain times and talked at certain topics that leaves you a regrettable decision at the end of the day.

 

There it is again.

 

You try to memorise that bothering look he's making before it disappears to a jovial and cheerful side of him, you wonder if it's just a mask that he has to wear everyday.

 

You vaguely don't trust him, at all. There's something about him that doesn't click right, you just felt it from his attitude.

 

"Anyways! How did you learn to cook? You taught yourself? The only person I know who is good at cooking is your cousin. Does this talent inherit among the family?"

 

You toyed your earphone cord, you kept having second thoughts whether or not you'd listening a music while talking to the detective. "I... I'm not sure about the 'inherit' part, but I was taught by a young friend, he happened to teach me when I wasn't interested. But, somehow, when I get used to it, cooking is..."

 

You lick your lips when you felt it's dry.

 

The rookie blinks when you paused too long. "Is?"

 

You mumbled. "...relaxing."

 

He gave out a wolffish grin. "Are you embarrassed because _cooking_ _relaxes_ _you_?"

 

Good thing you didn't truthfully said: cooking is _fun_ (but you almost said it), not just relaxing. You don't want the rookie to get any ideas of your likings, especially the idea of him teasing your hobby.

 

" _No_." You stood up after you returned Dojima's chair to its original place. You plod away from him in a slow gait before you could kick him and regret it. He just burst to laughter just by watching your subtle anger. "Will you just hurry up so I can go home? The last bus will be coming in an hour."

 

"You're not using your motorcycle? I can give you a ride ho—"

 

"I'd rather walk."

 

He sighs and rubs his neck, almost smiling at your unwavering pique. "Are you still mad about that time at the festival or are you always grumpy at me?"

 

You only narrowed your eyes at him.

 

"Prolly both."

 

It took almost half an hour for the detective to finish his meal. With that amount of time, you missed the last bus.

 

His car is something else, you expected it to be a rundown transportation but it's well-functioned, and white; devoid of any colour. It's spotless and tidy, no garbage to be found of any sort. Seriously, how many of your expectations are to be opposed while this man surprises you? He's something else. He doesn't have any personal touches or decorations on his belongings. But it's not like everyone has to have one, but everyone has their own geek. You have your own interests as well but you don't plan on exposing them to anyone. Mostly this strange detective next to you, who is driving.

 

"...So, hows your day?"

 

You only look at him. You may not be in a bad mood but you may appear to show an unimpressed look at him at his poor topic.

 

It felt... alien. You're not used to it. You don't like it when people talk to you because they noticed your presence, even if it just one person who sees you. You don't like them looking at you and talking to you. You don't like it when they're asking how's your day.

 

Because every single day is just so exhausting and sluggish that you don't even know when life will give you a fucking break.

 

You should've wore your earphones before you decided to go with the rookie on his car. He didn't even put on some music. It bores your mind into overthinking and panic seizures.

 

His smile wavers when he finally looks at you and caught your judgemental gaze. " _What_? I'm trying to strike a conversation here, the silence is deafening me!"

 

You sigh in exasperation before you nest your hands in your pockets. Good thing you took your medication earlier before leaving for the station, you could've responded differently. "Like always, the usual, the same."

 

"The usual same? But I heard from Dojima-san that you've locked yourself in your room _for_ _days_ , for _a week_."

 

So he did know what you've been doing for a week after the festival. Dojima or Yu must've told him what had happened. Even though there's nothing going on between you and the detective, you get the impression that the rookie gets informed what happens to this family considering he's Dojima's subordinate and Yu's friend. A family friend. You may be a part of this relationship now. "I wasn't feeling well, detective."

 

He gawked at you. "Then Dojima-san just asked you to come here and feed me after you've recovered?!"

 

"It's not a problem."

 

After that there's silence, you couldn't strike another conversation since talking takes too much energy and there's nothing much to talk about. Especially thinking, but you reflected yourself upon the day today you did and you remember you didn't do anything. It's a great way to waste time because there's nothing interesting to do anyway.

 

You reflected your breakfast with your paternal relatives, it was a disaster when you left in a rush because of a nosebleed. Afterwards you spent yourself wandering around in the north and south central district to avoid interacting in the Dojimas residence until you've spent most of your hours reading at the bookstore, the Home Gardening. It was an interesting book.

 

You like reading, as well the same as cooking, and listening to music. Reading on the other hand is something that distracts your overthinking. Music makes you deaf from reality. You barely take your earphones off like it's a part of your body. You even listen when you're reading, cooking, sleeping, or taking a shower. Everywhere and every time.

 

Hm. You should listen one right now if the car is just driving in silence. Yet you stopped from wearing the earphones when you remembered a sheer memory that had happened at lunch.

 

"I've... met the old lady—the one who makes you nimono— earlier at the shopping district."

 

The detective didn't answer after a few seconds. "Ah. Again? I, uh, I'm sorry that she's bothering you, (Y/N)-san. Did she say anything about— err... is she looking for me?"

 

"No," You leaned in the seat, getting comfortable. "but she said quite a tale about her relationship with you."

 

"What?"

 

"She's ashamed of how she treated you inconsiderate," You said. "that you were treated like you're her son but you're not, and finally she sees that, it was all just because of the name... And she said she's sorry of not treating you the person you are."

 

Silence. The rookie drives without a reply.

 

You blinked. "That's it? Silent treatment?"

 

"It's pretty much not big of a deal," He shrugs, unfeeling. "I have nothing to say to that."

 

"Well, that can be your chance to have the closure. She finally acknowledges her encounters with you is just a sad illusion of her missing her own son." You peered to look at him closely and there's no trace of emotion to see. "You should talk to her."

 

He made a small frown, eyes still slacking emotion like it's not interesting to discuss the matter. "It's not worth my time anyway."

 

"Why?"

 

"Because she's just a stranger. Nothing more."

 

You agree, but, "...She cares about you, people aren't dull enough to not have a slightest compassion to others," You let your head rested against window. "even if not everyone is like that."

 

"You only met her twice, (Y/N)-san." He glances you, and draws out a bothering sigh. "If you were in my shoes you'd be annoyed at how she disrespectfully nags you almost everyday without a boundary. She keeps bothering me, feeding me— her food aren't even that great— yet she thinks she can have the permission to bust her way in to my life."

 

"Maybe she's just lonely, I mean she's old, old people tend to be like that." Ok. That's not reasonable, you think. You hesitatingly reply after crossing your arms in a defensive posture. "...You can't think that people like her aren't worth for appreciating of their kindness. It's not something everyone can basically earn these days."

 

Whatever you say, he won’t budge. You can feel he can roll his eyes on the back of his by that sharp irritation flicking on his features. But he didn't do anything, yet he had a momentary firm grip on the steering wheel. "But that's not an excuse on how she treated me. She had the guts to gnaw me to ease her comfort. I'm just something to be used and be disposed basically."

 

Isn’t everyone these days? But, you feel the same way.

 

Yet that elder felt incredibly sorry for what she did.

 

"I doubt that would happen again after she proved to me how much she deeply cares for you."

 

"Cares for me?" The rookie scoffed humourlessly. "Like how you care yourself?"

 

Ouch.

 

Another silence but tense. You breath hitched and sat straight when you noticed the car had stopped by the familiar street. You're at the area of where the Dojima's residence is, you can see by the window that the house is just a few meters away. You didn't say anything until the detective had realised what he had just said.

 

"I-I didn't mean that..."

 

It's fine. It's nothing. You took a medication, you're gonna be fine. Shit. If only you didn't you would've lashed out and kill him, for real. So it's fine, but it won't matter, you did everything so subtly that people can see it right through you.

 

Yet, you and the detective barely knew each other, probably what he had said is nothing. He doesn't know you. So you brushed off his blunt insult.

 

"I get it. I'm too easy to read, someone like you would've noticed it right away for a short matter of time." You opened the door and stepped out, shutting the door.

 

"Thanks for the food."

 

You only heaved a loud sigh, scratching your head. You didn't look back when you stepped away from the vehicle, returning to the Dojimas residence in silence. You heard the car leaving.

 

The neighbourhood is quiet and dark, no street lights guiding you back. The house is still a few meters away when you stopped suddenly, a thought triggered in your mind and you bit your lip in irritation.

 

"That guy... is really annoying." You muttered, you looked up in the sky, the stars and moon looked pretty as always, it makes your heart flutter by the sight of it. Bringing you in a relieving mood. "Guess I'll have to straighten this problem myself, that poor old lady deserves more from living regrettably."

 

You understood her. What it's like to be lonely and need someone after all. A mistake you did long ago.

 

You turned around. You didn't realise your feet move itself; walking, the pace turned differently into a brisk one, until it breaks itself by running. You went in a sprint until you halt at the middle of the street by the blinding headlights, a long, loud beeping horn, and tires screeching.

 

You froze at the spot when you turned and saw a car is a few centimetres in front of you.

 

Holy crap, you almost got yourself killed. You wanted death for so long that it comes for you when you don't seek for it.

 

The detective's shocked face can be seen by the window, he immediately stepped out from the car and approached at you. "(Y/N)-san?! Are trying to get yourself killed?!"

 

Slowly, you regained yourself, you looked at the detective's panicked eyes. Another emotion that you don't know whether or not it'd be real. "Actually, I'm feeling a bit... irrepressible. How about we head over to where that old lady live and sort this out before you talk more shit about her. Because you," You pointed him, your index finger pressing against his chest. " _are starting to piss me off_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 05/17/19: correction= suspect to witness. I just realized my mistake there. Whoops.


	6. Mealtime Issues (Part 3 of 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Late at night, Reader and Adachi had midnight tea and snacks.

Ever since three years ago, you dislike how people are indifferent and hating. It's hopeless for the society to reform and bring harmony within because of such traits. It wasn't your power to do so, that led you to ignore it. No matter who, and how many causes such disdain and affliction to one another.

 

Until this cop, you're now standing next to, had said things that makes you want to  do  something, for once. 

 

Because you _are_ pissed  at him. All the things he said; it reminded you of a certain memory you wanted to forget three years ago.

 

It wasn't a surprise how fast the detective had wind himself up to the problem he's currently facing though. Heck, it's because the old lady is one of his  _neighbors_ ...

 

"Is this it?" 

 

"You know, I still don't see why you would do this, (Y/N)-chan."

 

"I didn't ask for your whining, detective. I would've been asleep at this hour right about now." You objected. "But as I said I'm feeling irrepressible, and you can't do shit about it."

 

The detective's eyebrows shot up. "Ok.  _Woah_ . First off, Do you even _know_ what  time it is, (Y/N)-san? She could be asleep!

 

"I doubt it." You inched closely to the door and you lifted your hand for the doorbell. But the detective prevented you with a tight grip on your forearm, just before your finger could even touch the button. 

 

"(Y/N)-chan, can't just disturb—"

 

With your other hand, you loudly knock the door.

 

_KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK._

 

The detective gapes at you, before he whispered, "(Y/N)-san!"

 

You rolled your eyes. "It's not even _that_ late . And besides—"

 

"Coming." said a polite voice from the other side of the door. 

 

"Dear gods," With that, the detective exasperatedly sighs, while pinching the bridge of his nose. The door opened not less than a minute. 

 

"Oh! (Y/N)-chan! How lovely to see you so—" The nimono lady paused when she knew you're not alone. She stares at your clasped hands with the detective, before she glances to the cop's direction. "What brings you here with Adachi-san?"

 

You remove your hand from the detective's hand. "Ah. Good evening." You gave a bow. "I came here because of what we've talked about earlier."

 

"Ah." The old lady says, she brightens a little. Probably happy that you're responding to her problems from lunch or you showed that you  _cared_ ,  at all. At _least_ she’s  cooperating unlike the detective over here. "What about it, my dear?" 

 

"I've been unsettled over something between the two of you," you said, admitting at that statement. "there's some sort of sentiment and tension going on—"

 

"Uh... (Y/N)-san—" the cop starts.

 

But you cut him off. "That I feel like you two  need to talk , because the detective here, has been nagging me off about the things he says about you."

 

The old lady blinked twice, she doesn't take in the situation about what you meant of what _did_ the  detective do and say. The detective sees the elder's confusion and quietly sighs in relief. You silently hoped that the elder understands this though, in a way that the detective is disdaining because he's irked at her lately and they need to talk and stop this... whatever sentimentality they both isolated to themselves. 

 

"I don't follow you, my dear."

 

"That's what I'm afraid of." You clicked your tongue before you forced to shift the detective towards the old lady. The cop's surprised at this. But you're certain he's still more likely stunned at your decisions of sorting the mediocre problem of the detective and the old lady,  tonight .

 

Because, you _honestly_ can’t  sleep at this if you let it slide, it'll bother you for the entire night! And you don't want some insomnia breaking down your sleeping schedule again like last time. You're going to waste good, old sleeping pills if you don't do something about it.

 

You cleared your throat at the unnecessary silences hanging in the air. These two don't get it, do they? "To say this: rookie detective here, has something to tell you."

 

The rookie stiffens at this, realising what's your intentions. But you didn't care for his reaction, this is for the old lady's sake or him, whatever. You feel the cop's tensed stare pulsing at your head.

 

There was a moment of silence, until the elder breaks it, much to your relief. "I see. But why don't you two come in? It's cold out here."

 

_Thanks gods_ . You internally cry.

 

She opens the door, and steps aside for you to come in. The detective didn't move until you drag him by his red necktie, like a collared dog. 

 

" Ack !" He yelped, swatting your hand away. "Don't _yank_ me !"

 

You only stare at him, and the old lady watches with a hospitable smile. Due to eyes watching Adachi, all he did is awkwardly stepping in with such force that he almost sends himself to the ground. The elder shuts the door before the rookie even has the chance to turn around and escape.

 

"Thank you." You said to the old lady.

 

"Make yourselves at home, (Y/N)-chan. Would you like some tea?"

 

You hummed, delighted. "Sure, that would be nice."

 

The elderly leaves to the kitchen, and you decided to head to the living until the man sought your arm and pull you towards to him. 

 

His face is mere inches to yours, and it wasn't a pleasant one. But you didn't budge at his closeness. He's not in the mood, like the usual incenses you've seen of him. "Seriously, telling me off to granny?"

 

You discard his hold with force, but surprisingly the detective has some strength. 

 

"This is what you get."

 

"I swear, if she makes nimono—"

 

"She wouldn't."

 

Before the detective could say anything else, the old lady calls out from the other room, her head is peaking from a doorway. "Come, you two, sit down over there." 

 

You waited for the detective to make a run for it. But, surprisingly, he didn't move an inch. He's scrutinising your persistence though, he would've expected you to chase after him if he dares to leave. But he didn't move. You made an expectant look and the detective stares back at you with a fixated glare. 

 

"It's not even a serious problem but it's bothering me." You dully said, the detective had taken notice you don't show any irritation, but you sounded like you are. "You and that lady need to sort this out before I tell her all the things you said about her, you insensitive, obnoxious twerp."

 

The detective breath went shallow, you hear it. You don't know if he's seething or fuming or both. But you honestly don’t care.

 

"What do you expect me to do?"

 

"I don't know," you shrug. "Why not cut her some slack and _politely_ tell  her you don't like her the way she sees you as  her own son?"

 

"That's what _this_ is about ?" The detective lets go of you, letting out a small laugh before calming himself. "Let me get this straight, you put the pieces together and do this to me and that old lady, for who's sake exactly?"

 

"Ugh. Both of you of course."

 

"Really?” The detective raises a brow, obviously unimpressed. “Is that what made you think you're forcing me to confess her my feelings now?"

 

"I‘m empathetic." You said, shrugging. The detective dully stares at you, unconvinced. It looks like you’re not visually empathetic to his perspective, you don’t blame him. But that’s not the case here."I don't even know her well, but this is for your sake too, y’know."

 

"So, you're concerned about me?" 

 

You didn’t answer. 

 

Are you concerned for his well being?

 

To tell the truth, besides of doing this in order to get a proper sleep, are you regarding this for anyone’s sake? 

 

Deep down, you don’t know if you’re doing this for anyone at all. But it’s been bothering you lately so you decided to take action.

 

You flinched at this, you’re doing this because you _are_ bothered .

 

Pathetic.

 

When the cop doesn’t wait any longer for your answer, he lets out a sigh in defeat and follows you towards the living room. 

 

Earphones in hoodie pockets, hands nested in pant’s pockets, you plop down to the floor at one side of the low table. The detective quietly sits next to you. "This is because what I get for what I said back in the car, right?" 

 

"It's insulting." You reply, almost giving out a mischievous smirk but that will be weird, you never smiled to this rookie ever since you met. "You'll just have to sort your vexing feelings and talk with her. It's not that difficult."

 

The detective dumbly blinks. "With us, here? In her house? This late?" 

 

" _Just_ ," you inhale and exhale loudly, fuming. Before you frantically waves your hands in frustration towards the detective. "be  _you_ , okay? Don’t be some judgmental prick who hates people's guts and be discreetly grumpy about it."

 

The detective gives you a fixated look. 

 

The old lady comes in with a tray, on top of it you see a delicate tea set that looked old. The elderly sits across the table from you and the detective, quietly setting down the tea cups for everyone.

 

Next, she pours green tea on the cups, then settling down the honey and some biscuits on the table. After that the elder finally settles down across from you. "It's late at night, (Y/N)-chan. Why come over here?"

 

Here goes nothing.

 

"Well," You take your tea, cooling it before taking a small sip. You sigh in relief at the taste, it’s a good drink for the night. "I've been putting two and two together, and I felt uneasy, that I'm the one who only knows of the situation." 

 

The elder looks confused. "What situation?" 

 

You see from beside you the detective is looking at you with an appointed look. You eyed him and said, "Detective here seemed mad. I thought I should help you with that."

 

"I'm not mad." The detective retorts, taking a sip of the tea, then he winced at the hot drink, almost dropping the cup.

 

You nearly rolled your eyes, so far, the detective could be a sociopath. "You are."

 

Before the detective complies again, underneath the table you sought out his hand, gripping. Unexpected, he nonplussed looks at you with wide eyes.

 

It was an awkward silence. The old lady want sure what to say or do, when you and the detective are having a staring contest.

 

You, honestly,  _honestly_ want to fix their problems tonight. 

 

Because you can’t sleep— you’ll have nightmares again. 

 

Problems in the real world, it greatly affects you when you’re involved and do nothing to sort it out. Like last time, every time, you regretted it everyday.

 

You don’t want to face your nightmares like this, you don’t want to leave with unfinished business. You don’t want _this_ to  remind you a measly memory.

 

To your relief, the detective sees it. 

 

So he faces the old lady, doing it.

 

"...I,"the cop says, hesitating. Your hand is still gripping his. But the officer doesn’t swat your hand away. Odd. "I-I'm not comfortable with how you approached me."

 

To this, the old lady slowly sinks in the statement, and she nods in acknowledgment, listening now.

 

The detective continues, but having difficulty to say the words. "That... you’d feed me with your son's favourite food, and you'd call me like how you called for your son. It's weird for me, we're not even related or anything and we dont know each other that well. But I don't consider it as a genuine acquaintance."

 

The detective glances at you, and you promoted him to continue.

 

"There's nothing wrong with that though, you missed your son after all.” The detective says as he awkwardly rubs his neck at such attention from you and the old lady. Like he doesn’t want to be in this kind of position, but you’re not giving him that false of self-esteem. He needs to say it. “I'm just uncomfortable though. Because I don't like how you treated me as if I'm your son, which I'm not."

 

After that, the nimono lady looks between the two of you. She seems to register what is going so she began talking to the detective, with a sad smile."Well, I expected you would say that, Adachi-san."

 

"Y-you did?" the rookie stutters.

 

"Yes," the elder nods."I reflected for what I did. I just didn't expect you would tell me in this situation, dear. Haha."

 

The atmosphere went lighter, so the detective lets out a heavy breath of relief. "Blame (Y/N) here." He nods towards you.

 

You sigh before you let go of his hand, returning yours to nest inside the pockets.

 

"I appreciate for your concern of our individual dilemma here, (Y/N)-chan.” The elder smiles brightly at you. “You really are sweet for our Tohru here."

 

The detective snorts and you gave him a piercing stare. That son of a—

 

"When you happened to meet my son." The old lady begins, staring at the detective, who is now listening in silence. You're just watching this without saying anything, you don't want to intrude more than you already have. "There I realise; in the past, I treated you like my Tohru-chan, but I didn't treated you as  _you_ ..." The old lady went downcast. "I apologise of my crude behaviour of being blinded."

 

Your eyes flickered patiently to the detective, and he gives a blank nod of acknowledgment. You expected he would've said something else, like the ones he said in the car. But he didn't do anything related to disdain. He takes in what the elder said just like that.

 

"It's not a big deal, grandmother.” The cop says, giving a small smile.

 

Oh, shit. Did he just do that?

 

"But I've bothered you over for quite some time because of my tactics." The elder says sadly, pressing on because of guilt. "I did this because you seemed lonely, Adachi-san. When I first saw you... you looked all alone at Junes, and not one person had bothered to notice you... I know you have work, but I don't think you were in pleasant circumstances due to your, well...” she trails off.

 

That made you think of this. Wait, did Dojima even cared for his partner? He doesn’t seem the type of guy to ignore the cop next to you though. Your uncle is nice even if he’s such a hard-boiled detective, but he’s nice. 

 

And what did the old lady meant of the rookie being lonely?

 

"I appreciate of you watching over me but," The detective continues that made your eyes narrow for a bit. There’s a sheer of apathy you just saw in the detective eyes. You didn’t think... “I didn’t ask for your concern from the beginning." He quickly adds, "Because should’ve take care of yourself first rather than wasting your time taking care of me. And aren’t we suppose to do this the other way around? I mean I am a _cop_ after  all."

 

The old lady ponders, sipping her tea. 

 

"I suppose you're right." She says, looking at the cop with sad eyes. "I suppose we have come to a closure and go on our separate ways, Adachi-san.” She says before taking a long sip again. "Well, I expected you won't ask for my company anymore, since you already have someone to be with."

 

Both eyes stares at you.

 

"We're not—" you began but there’s a hand now gripping at you underneath the table. You twist your head to the detective’s direction and you received that look again, an intent stare, intense, fixated. Your mouth went dry at the sight. You never expected your decision tonight would backfire you like this. "I mean, yeah, I'll... take care for him in your place, grandmother."

 

So now what, you’re feeding the rookie with excessive amounts of nimono?

 

• • •

 

The three of you had several small, unimportant talks. There was some questioning— mostly your "relationship" with the detective— but you didn't answer most of it. There was also stories exchanging left and right. Until there’s no tea and biscuits left. 

 

You involuntarily yawned, eyes became heavy, and the surroundings are getting blurry. The detective registers your sleepiness, and insisted the three of you to call it in the night. The elder smiles at the detective's concern at your well being, like a proud grandmother. 

 

"You two should head home right now, it's dangerous at night." The elder says.

 

The detective nods, before the elder shuts the door, leaving you and the cop alone at the hallway.

 

"It's late." The detective says as he glances at his cheap watch. " _Geez_ , I didn't realise it’s one in the morning.”

 

You weren't listening, because you zoned out, desperately needing a place to sleep right about now.

 

You noticed the detective walks a few meters away from where you two came from, standing by the door as he fishes his keys at his pockets. Curious, you silently make your way to him, quietly standing next to him.

 

"That's where you live?" You ask in a low tone.

 

"Hm?" The detective was so preoccupied at looking for his keys that he forgot you're still with him. "Ah. Yes, my apartment."

 

You peer at the door. "I'll crash down here for the night."

 

"Wait,  _what_ ?!" The detective steps back, he points at you with a scolding look. "Nu-uh,  _no_ . Haven't you done enough? I'm just gonna grab something, and I'm driving you back home. Don’t you know what time it is? Dojima-san's gonna kill me! He'd be worried about you!"

 

You shrug. "Message him, tell him it's my fault I got late. He'll get it. But if he's mad at you, I'll handle it."

 

The detective owlishly stares at you, you mirror the expression, leveling your ground with him.

 

Then he snorts, rolling his eyes. "You're unbelievable."

 

You didn't retort nor complain. Just silently watching for the detective to find his keys and open the door to his apartment. 

 

You follow behind him as he turns on the lights, taking a quick glance at the room, finding something. Then you spot a familiar furniture when you look over the detective’s shoulder.

 

"I'll sleep in the couch." You said, you trotting yourself pass the cop towards his apartment. It's sparse and it’s surprisingly has vacant touches. He’s probably living a simple life, yet it’s so... barren. 

 

Weird. 

 

"Sorry for barging in." You said, hurried. 

 

Behind you, the rookie sighs. " Now you apologise?"

 

You hummed as you sat down at the couch, immediately laying your head down at the cushions, eyes straight towards the ceiling. 

 

Ah, finally. You miss sleep, not only that you’ll have a peaceful sleep for what has happened.

 

From the corner of your vision, you saw the detective comes in the living room without his jacket and tie, holding a beer. Seriously, he drinks at a time like this? 

 

You glanced at him before he goes to the other room that seems to be his bedroom. Again, you glanced at his apartment and something bothers you at the sight of this. You sit up with a curios look, clearing your throat, making the detective halt. 

 

"Where's all your personal belongings? Did someone stole it? Its completely deserted here."

 

The detective blinks, he looking at you with an awkward expression. Before he glances around at his apartment and sends you a meek laugh. "Ahaha... I don't have much to own except for my clothes, and necessities, that's all."

 

"So you're a minimalist." You clarify.

 

He mutely nods. Afterwards you two didn't say anything else, only looking at each other's eyes. You didn't budge an inch and neither did he. It’s like a staring contest here all of the sudden.

 

The cop suddenly clears his throat to break the silence, returning your senses. "By the way, I just texted Dojima-san, but he's still not replying." He says, slowly giving you an unimpressed look. "Since it‘s super late after all."

 

You roll your eyes. "I'll take care of it tomorrow."

 

He sighs, turning to the door of his bedroom. "I'll hit the sack, now."

 

You hummed, nodding. “G’night."

 

_So, you're concerned about me?_

 

Oh, right. You haven’t told him.

 

You take a shallow, nervous breath before saying: "By the way, to answer your question earlier," The detective stops again from leaving to his bedroom, looking at you with undivided attention. 

 

You hate attachment. This is not a bond.

 

You and the detective are just acquaintances, nothing more.

 

You’ll just have to stay away from him as soon as you can.

 

The less and straightforward communication, the better.

 

You lick your lips as your mind is having an intense pondering, you try to calm your thoughts for a few seconds.

 

"I don't like you or anything,” you began, the detective tilts his head, his stare is oddly blank for some reason. “but that doesn't mean I don't care about your feelings.“ 

 

He’s still staring at you, you’re almost embarrassed at this.

 

"What I mean to say is,” you look away, arms securely crossed. Your hands are shaking from the anxiety boiling in you. “I... I've been there. Having someone to use you for their own benefit without them realising it until you're uncomfortable with it, no matter if they’re strangers or not." You hesitantly return your gaze to his. "But me... I never got to relieve myself because I was left with a one-sided confession. I never knew what those people think of me, if I was somebody to use and discard. Or that I’m—“ 

 

You suddenly stop. No, that’s enough, more than enough as it is.

 

"Just sayin'" you said. 

 

The detective intently looks at you for a moment before holding fits of laughter. "Pfft. Okay, (Y/N)." 

 

"I'm not boosting your ego, twerp." You snapped. “Or else I'll take it back." 

 

"Haha. Let's just sleep, 'kay?"

 

You didn’t reply. The detective leaves you be, before shutting the door of his bedroom. You happen to catch a glimpse of his room and it's almost like the rest of his apartment, simple, but too bland, lacking personal touches. 

 

You don't like it, it's like living in a hospital room, but you don't care of it. It's his life, not yours to judge.

 

You went to sleep when you don't have other thoughts to think. The medication is still kicking in after all.

 

• • • 

 

You woke up and you know this a dream. You’re lying in a patch of flowers, and grass. You don’t feel it though since it’s not real. Although the sun shined brighter like the real world, blinding, making you squint your eyes by force.

 

"This again." You groaned, standing up and saw a familiar acquaintance, who is in the greenhouse, it is few meters away from you.

 

You took one step and the world had adjusted itself by your control, sending yourself to teleport next to the figure. 

 

She doesn’t notice you, too busy from her plants as usual. Although you don’t see what she’s doing since she’s crouching, hunching at over what keeps her preoccupied. 

 

You bend over to peer in curiosity over her shoulder. "Hey." 

 

She looks up. Strangely beautiful as always, still wearing that excessively large kimono, it’s pure white, clean, and silky. Her obi is dark red like blood. 

 

She's you. 

 

A doppelgänger, she has alluring golden eyes, bright orbs staring at you right now. 

 

"What are you doing this time?"

 

The copy of you smiles, and you felt your skin crawled. You never smile in real life but seeing your doppelgänger smiling with your face is weird. "I'm watering the flowers. Aren't they beautiful?"

 

You glance at the flowers, they’re roses, healthy and blooming with beauty, just like your doppelgänger. But you don’t care since everything in this world is not real.

 

Standing straight, your hands finds their way in your pockets, you ask,"Why do you have a greenhouse in the middle of the field? There's literally flowers everywhere."

 

The other you gives you a look.

 

"This field does not belong to me, except for this greenhouse I made." The doppelgänger sighs, her rosy lips frowns a little. She stands up to look at the windows, after placing down the watering can to the ground, next to the roses. "This place... is a hidden world where people's desires reflect. It's an exquisite scenery, such a wonderful image to coexist."

 

You didn't answer, staring at her and the field outside of the greenhouse. You squinted thought he glass panes to look beyond the terrain, the field just keeps on going, no matter how far, the mountains looked tiny in this distance. Disappointed, you return to gaze at the other you, who is staring at you with an appointed look.

 

The doppelgänger chuckles softly. 

 

"You don't have to believe me."

 

"I doubt I have this kind of scenery in my mind." You grumbled.

 

The other you's golden eyes flashed brighter, you don't even know what that sigh means but it feels overwhelming. You uncomfortably shift at this.

 

"You have one, you just don't want to find it."

 

Before you can ask what she meant, she leaves, her long white robes trails along in the ground. You see a flash of red and black vortex resonating in the sky. 

 

Everything went withered.


	7. 4 O’Clock Phone Call

When you woke up, the sun isn’t rising yet. The whole world is practically still asleep under the moon and stars. It’s just you, the darkness, and the silence decorated around the detective’s apartment. 

 

It made you wonder how many hours you were sleeping, probably a couple of or so. By that, it led you to another assumption that maybe the sleeping pills didn’t work again.

 

Either the sleeping pills were the problem or it was that dream again, cryptically interacting you with another meaning. What had the doppelgänger of you meant of people's desires?

 

Hm.

 

But, whatever it was, you don’t have to stick it for too long. It’s getting ridiculous at this point. Those dreams may have lingered in your subconsciousness for so long it gives you a strong vivid agenda.

 

Or you’re just usually in a haggard state.

 

Immediately dismissing it, you’re now conflicted when you noted yourself to be incredibly sweaty. Your clothes are disgustingly sticking to you, your hair is matted, then your eyes are beginning to sting  from salty droplets dripping all over your face.

 

“Tch.” You grimaced at yourself, your clammy hands attempted to wipe off the sweat from your face. It’s still coming no matter how many times you tried, it’s just fucking _hot_ in  here.

 

You even _tasted_ the  goddamn sweat. Yuck.

 

_It’s the jacket_.  You thought with late realization. 

 

Disgusted, you discarded your outer garment, tossing it to the ground, removing the cause of your body to produce excessive amount of disgusting sweat.

 

And that made you exposed of it. It’s been a while to separate yourself from your jacket like this.

 

Your eyes averted to the sight of your now revealed, wounded skin.

 

You don’t want to look at what you did to yourself. 

 

You’re wearing a shirt instead of the usual sweater due to the summer heat. But even so, the temperature at night is indifferent to day. No wonder you’re inflicted to constant sweat. 

 

The sweat even entertained itself to travel down, stinging your fresh wounds, salty water seeping in to the poorly opened flesh.

 

Ouch.

 

You covered your face with your cold hands, not wanting the idea to look at yourself. It made you even more degraded existentially.

 

Self harm never boosts anything. It’s one of the poor presentations to speak yourself how miserable your self esteem and ego is. It’s an abnormal conformation to remind yourself that you’re pathetic and a disappointment.

 

Miserable. Abnormal. Pathetic. A  disappointment . 

 

"Ugh..." You deeply groaned, suddenly unpleasant at the overwhelming feeling pulsing in your body. You felt  sore , probably because you’re not in a comfortable position to sleep on a couch.

 

Gods, you just realized you  _reek_ . When was the last time you took a fucking decent shower? To sweat frequently on a hot summer; you stink. It‘s beginning to be your usual scent.

 

Speaking of scent and all, your grimed wounds needs some cleaning, it’s starting to stink old blood and all...

 

Surprisingly none of the household knew the smell, especially the detective. What a surprise.

 

Still, you headed to the bathroom for precaution.

 

Until you took a couple of steps foward, your little left toe stubs at a leg of the low table.

 

“Motherf—“

 

You flailed, making you off-balanced, before yourself plunging to the floor.

 

Now  everything _hurts_.  You silently cry.

 

Wincing while trying not to wake the detective, who is just sleeping at the other side of the door. You took breaths, waiting for the pain to go away, before slowly standing up, pretending nothing happened.

 

Fucking toes.

 

When you ventured to the dark apartment, you didn’t realized the place would be lowkey scary when it’s quiet and pitch black. The rays of moonlight barely gives you any guidance to your path.

 

It’s almost as if you’re completely—

 

No.  No . 

 

You don’t want that kind of thought.

 

Shook up from it, you dig into your sweatpants pockets to pull out your phone. Flipping it open, before turning it on, using its brightness as a temporary flashlight. Your eyes quickly scan the apartment with the help of your mobile raised next to your face.

 

It’s a small apartment.

 

You turned to your left and saw the kitchen’s just by the entrance, there’s another door you just noticed. Then here’s the living room, where you are now. If you turn to the other side there’s the bedroom. 

 

You went your attention back to another door by the entrance. You approached it, opened it, and turn the lights on. You quietly sigh in relief, while putting back your phone to your pocket.

 

Making your way in, you scan every inch of the tiny bathroom. You're not even surprised the room is like the rest of the detective's apartment: Sparse. Tidy. Barren. 

 

There’s nothing much to see here even with one glance.

 

When you spot something, you walk your way towards to the bathtub ( _he_ has  a bathtub). There, a couple of personal products that are placed idly to the tiny shelves. Upon inspecting it closely, he’s using a nourishing coconut milk shampoo, and a moisturizing goat’s milk body wash.

 

Wow.

 

No wonder he always smells pleasantly clean.

 

Contented at the revelation, you hummed, taking the body wash. The detective doesn’t have a bar of soap lying around after you doubled check the cabinets and shelves. There’s only folded towels in one of those, not once you spotted another supplies. Like a hairdryer, a comb, floss—whatnot. He doesn’t have anything else rather than the shampoo, the body wash, and the hidden towels. 

 

Even a used red toothbrush and an almost empty toothpaste. The sink is completely scanty with supplies as well.

 

You stood in front of the sink, placing down the body wash next to the toothbrush and toothpaste, before opening the faucet. You can practically smell the scent of the body wash just next to you, it kind of allures you.

 

You proceed to wash your forearms... Ugh, the sight. Its all red and brown, dry and sticky, and _dirty_. Although, the blade you bought wasn’t so bad after all.

 

Whenever you have break downs you never succeeded to create a clean cut. It’s always  poorly clawed, then yet there are many opened flesh by sheer force you treated to yourself, second layers of skin peaking out. Just looking at it gives you some sort of a phobia.

 

But you're not phobic to anything, you’re just a plain masochist.

 

You took a generous amount of liquid soap from the container, then starts scrubbing furiously to the wounds with your bare hands, the foam later forms. It’s not even bubbly white, it’s sickly red, almost pink. You winced slightly when your nails happened to dig into one of the cuts, the soap seeps and stings the flesh inside.

 

Disgusting.

 

Five minutes later, you rinsed your forearms and hands throughly, leaving no soap and impurities behind. After drying it from taking a small towel from a cabinet, you can smell the goat’s milk aroma lingering in your forearms. It’s pleasant. 

 

Before leaving the bathroom, you hung the small towel next to the current one the detective is using. 

 

By the time you switch off the bathroom lights, and shut the door. You decided to head to the kitchen for some water. There, you turn on the kitchen lights, and find some clean cups to use.

 

_Ring. Ring._

 

You halt in surprise, the phone buzzes in the pocket of your sweatpants. When you pulled out the mobile, you irritatedly sigh at finding out the stupid ID caller name.

 

Why is _she_ calling  at this hour?

 

You humored an idea of ignoring it, ending the phone call. But she’ll be pestering you for ‘wasting her phone bill’ if you are ever so ungrateful for deciphering and reciprocating her concerns.

 

So badly, you wanted to ignore her, but what the hell...

 

You answered the caller after the fifth ringtone.

 

"Bunny." 

 

"Tae," You replied, glancing at the clock just by the kitchen wall. Your eyes narrowed at this. “what the hell? It’s like... _four_ in  the—“

 

"Bunny," Tae interrupts you, scolding, yet with a calming, lighter tone. Is she even mad? You can’t tell. “I know you, okay? You don’t sleep... like ever.”

 

“And you don’t shut up  like ever .” You retort back.

 

Typical greetings, exchanging ‘good mornings’ or ‘hellos’ to your friend is always like this.

 

Especially complaints, Tae Takemi is the one who starts that crap. Tae never brings a good mood, she pesters people through eccentric attributes. 

 

But she’s a good person, just quirky.

 

What she is now, it started at her training as a practitioner in the city, which it may have led her down to the gutter. She’s not always like this though, but she sounded irritated at the very least. Perhaps something happened at work...

 

“I have to talk to myself, all alone in the apartment ever since you left.” Your friend sighs, tired. “I’m _dying_ to  hear your voice... I’m might be going crazy here.”

 

She made a death joke. Funny.

 

Yeah... Tae is never the type of person to leave a personal or formal conversation without making people freaked out about her morbid sense of humor. Maybe one day, in the future, the authorities will be aware of her craziness.

 

Remind yourself again, why are you friends with a practitioner in training?

 

"Would you stop calling me ‘bunny'? It's so fucking weird." You complained, rolling your eyes."Why are you even calling at this hour? Aren't you suppose to sleep? Didn’t you remember that working at the East Shinjiku least made you crawl back in exhaustion to the apartment?”

 

Tae scoffs, disinterested at that topic.

 

"But we have more important details to talk about.” She says, suddenly teasing with sheer of excitement. “Guess who’s stupid enough to leave some papers— with a person like me— before leaving for the other side of the country?”

 

When it sinks you, you sighed. 

 

You forgot about that. You left your files back at the apartment from the city. With her founding out about it, Tae is going to sniff around at your information and background then. 

 

She's going to find out the papers you’ve gathered from your parents’ house before you met her from the neighborhood.

 

You two went through some times.

 

But... why now? Does it take her this long to find it though? Well, it  didn’t when she find out about your  personal problems through an accident phone call of your psychiatrist.

 

It was a hell of an exposure.

 

You hear some shuffling at the other side of the line. Tae just... won’t stop, is she? 

 

"You missed high school and college but your educational background from elementary doesn’t appeal any offenses, suspensions or whatever the police expected from you to have.”

 

You leaned against the counter, sighing. “Tae—“

 

“What _did_ they  expected you from you though?” She cuts you off. “I don’t know why the police wouldn’t believe you, of all things... You were in a coma.” Tae says before sighing, disbelieved. “But why were they suspicious of you due to your parents’ death?”

 

“I don’t—“

 

“Ten years ago, was it really an accident?” 

 

You didn’t reply.

 

Tae considers your silence, assuming, “Maybe you’re being _framed_ here .”

 

You sigh, closing your eyes for a moment. 

 

You just wanted a cup of water...

 

"Stop touching my stuff, don't you have any sense of personal space?“ You chided, leaning away from the counter. You badly wanted to end the phone call.

 

But Tae, you know her, spouting nonetheless.

 

"Alright... I can see why you’ve been busy after waking up from a coma.” She continues, mostly talking to herself. You pretended to listen while you’re on the desire to look for a goddamn cup. You hope the detectives at _least_ has  the majority to have some dishes. 

 

You hear another shuffling, specifically hearing pages of papers. Ugh. You’d imagine she scattered the entire box of files over her study desk, completely exposed for her to read during a phone call.

 

“Look at all this.” Tae suddenly says, somehow disappointed. “Why is it confidential?”

 

You rolled your eyes. “I honestly don’t know why—“

 

“Tell me again, what happened that day.”

 

You froze on the spot, in the middle of the kitchen.

 

“The day you woke up,” Tae elaborated. She thought you weren’t catching up to her. But she knew you’re hesitating to respond.  “weren’t the police questioning you?”

 

Why, why on earth would she want to know again? 

 

Why is it _her_ business  all of the sudden?

 

You licked your lips. “Yeah...” 

 

“Well?”

 

“Why should I tell you?”

 

“Because, from what I read,” Another sound of shuffling. “I just found out you witnessed the death of a metropolitan assemblyman‘s wife.”

 

Where did she get that written report? Didn’t you made sure to put it away?

 

“Put that down.” You said, tone like ice, on the edge of breaking to pieces. Your gripped your phone, seething.

 

“There’s something you’re not telling me, bunny.”

 

“Yeah, I am.” You snapped. “That’s why I moved to Inaba to get away from you.”

 

Tae laughs, a pitiful one.

 

“We both know that’s not true.” She says. “You went to Inaba to find who your parents were.”

 

You went silent.

 

“None of them knew, huh?”

 

You frowned. “No.”

 

Maternal and paternal. They don’t know who your parents were. 

 

It’s like they’re _nothing_ in  the first place. Like they don’t exist, but why do they at least have the decency to know you?

 

“But there’s one left, right? It’s worth the shot.”

 

You didn’t reply. This time you found a cup you’re looking for, it’s laid upside down in the dish rack next to the sink.

 

You approached it, took it, then fill it with water. Placing down the phone in the counter, you pulled one of your antidepressants before drinking it with water, chugging it to its last drop.

 

When you finished, you washed the cup in the sink, scrubbing it, rinsing it, then drying it back to the dish rack.

 

You heard a minimized voice calling you out.

 

“Earth to (Y/N)?” Tae shouts, making you flinch, taking and pressing your mobile against your ear again. “You left me hanging. I‘m asking you a question.”

 

“Ugh.” You whine, gradually rolling your eyes. “Repeat it.”

 

Tae scoffs. “I asked if you’re actually okay?”

 

“I am.” You answered, you almost added: _for now._

 

"You always say you're fine.” Tae says, tone tight. “Are you one of those people: who keeps saying they're fine but they're not? That's cliché."

 

You loudly scoffed. 

 

"Well, aren't you great than me? Well, how should I know? It’s not like don't have any problems since you're always—" 

 

Perfect . 

 

You almost said perfect. But you didn't. 

 

No. You’re not doing this again. 

 

You continued, "—always a problem solver. Since life for you is basic. You could save millions with that brain of yours.” You snorts. “But with your punk aesthetic, I doubt people would even consider you as a doctor. Heh...”

 

Tae chuckles. "Flattered. But that's not the point why I'm calling you today. This isn't about me."

 

Both of you went silent. 

 

“(Y/N).”

 

Oh, that’s new.

 

“What.”

 

“You’ll find the answers.” 

 

Tae never leaves your side, just as you never leave her.

 

“I doubt it.”

 

"What a _lame_ mentality ."

 

Silence, you ignore it.

 

Tae deeply sighs, utterly concerned. “I'm worried, you moved to a small town that is far from here... Are you sure you can handle yourself?"

 

You puffed loudly. What a loaded question. 

 

"I can handle myself, Tae, quite just fine."

 

Tae went silent, thinking, there’s no other things to hear from the other line rather than the quiet pause. You took that time to go back to the living room, sitting on the sofa again, crossing your legs, then leaning against the cushions. 

 

You glanced at the door, where the bedroom is. There’s no sounds coming from it. The detective must’ve been sleeping peacefully.

 

You clenched your jaw. 

 

You felt irritated at barging yourself at someone’s home. It’s completely rude of you, you don’t doubt he’ll somehow pay back with revenge or something...

 

You just don’t have to complain.

 

Tae finally makes a sound, clicking her tongue. The mood turned chirpier this time.

 

"So, how’s Inaba?"

 

That’s what she wanted to know? She doesn’t have to, Inaba’s crazy and all. But you doubt she’ll leave the conversation with a boring, normal topic in dismay, you and Tae needed a refreshment.

 

"Well, there’s a homicide case that’s been going on for a while. It ended when I met the Dojimas though, the serial killer got arrested.” You said, shrugging. 

 

Tae snorts. “Saying that with a dull voice is really something.”

 

You existentially don’t give a damn.

 

"So how are they?" She asks.

 

You hummed, thinking thoughtfully. As you thought, your housemates are surprisingly unlike the families you’ve encountered before. The family here is influential, despite there’s an ongoing tension in the air.

 

“Kind, actually.” You admitted.

 

They’re so peculiar, that it made you questioned yourself certain things. 

 

Sometimes you’d look in the mirror, comparing yourself to the people in the residence. Sometimes comparing yourself to the girl— the other you— in your dreams. Everyone is so different, perfect in their own characteristics and features.

 

Looking yourself in the mirror, you remember the doppelgänger in kimono from your dream. She's looks pretty even with the same face, you on the other hand is a mess. 

 

Your hair is haggard, it's oily, you barely brush it. Your face is pale like ghost. You even take a good look at your body and you made a disappointed face. That girl from the dream has some generous curves, you don't; you're slender. You weren't eating regularly.

 

You also compared yourself to Tae. At times when things get so lonely. Tae is much better than you, and deserves to be with someone else unlike you.

 

"Good.” Tae hums. “Wouldn’t want to worry myself more for my dear little experiment subject, bunny."

 

You cringed, visibly shuddering as your legs folded and leans against you, you propped your chin over your knees. The memories of what happened in the apartment is too far gone to forget. You’re violated because of your ex-roommate.

 

"I have enough of your medical trials, Tae.” You scoffed. “What you did to me is permanent, I hate your side effects.”

 

"At least you're moody." Tae chuckles, although it's sounded genuine. You're not mad any longer. "Anyways, for the last time, you have to take care of yourself even when I’m not around with you.”

 

"Says who?"

 

"It's in your friendship prescription."

 

You didn't answer, confused. Tae laughs heart-fully at your reaction, before ceasing it with a contented sigh.

 

"it's almost sunrise, I have to jet.“

 

You nodded. "Good luck on the trials."


End file.
